Milelal Fcilnyn

[Raven Credale]

Name: Milelal Fcilnyn

Nickname: Will respond to Mil or Milly

Race: Moon Elf

Age: 192 years old (update)

Height: 5 foot 5 inches

Hair color: Black

Eye color: Blue with gold flecks

Date of Birth: 30th of Marpenoth, 1192

Personality: Upon first meetings, Milly can seem stand offish or uninterested with things, but as she progressively gets to know someone she'll start to melt that cold exterior and show just how sassy she truly is. Albeit, her sassy nature is her way of showing someone she trusts them and knows that they aren't going to be serious with her all the time. She does like to joke as those are her weakness in social situations. At first glace her expression seems as though she's indifferent with others.

Background:

    Milelal is another elven sorceress from Ever Meet, talented with magic since birth and daughter to another elven Sorcerer, who had tried many times to keep her away from the school of evocation magic. Enchantments seemed to be the ideal school for her, but Milly was charmed (so to speak) by the destruction she could wield and wanted to know more. So you can only imagine her poor fathers dismay when she came home with a pseudodragon as her familiar one day when she was sixteen. However as time went on and after 150 years, Milelal's father began to experiment with dragons blood ad attempting to combine it with various living test subjects. Much to his daughters distaste in the experiments and theory spitting, Milelal finally drew a line when her father attempted to use her familiar as a source of dragons blood. If there was ever one thing in the world that she could not part with, it's her closest friend and companion. So the next night she packed her things into a pocket dimension and left her home and once kind father to his vices and the judgment of Evermeet's Mage council.

    For nearly forty years, Milelal has been traveling with her familiar Rhu'Grazi (Rhu for short) and learning of many things as well as finding many books along the way to read as she passes time. But now Cormyr has a new visitor in its lands, and she is as curious as ever.

(Art is done by me)

[Raven Credale]

A recent letter:

Syl'adria,


    Hello my friend, how have you been? Have you been taking care of yourself? How are things in the Sword Coast? I know it has been a while since I last wrote to you. First and foremost I wanted to let you know that I've made it to Cormyr and avoiding my fathers sight. Sure enough he has spent the last forty years searching for his 'Precious Experiment'. But I know what you're going to tell me, I'm being paranoid about having to be dragged back to Evermeet in a cage. I know you've told me that it won't happen but even here in Cormyr there are those who speak the tongue of the ebony skinned ones.

    Do you remember how I use to dig my right thumb nail into the palm of my left hand? I still do that and even then I can still hear that maniac laughing as he butchers some innocent life in his twisted experiment. I still have the nightmares as well. Where Evermeet is burning, the screams of our people fill the air and the drow flood the street cutting down all that oppose them. Among the wizards and Sorceresses, I can see my father, brandishing the symbol of the Spider Queen on his robes. His eyes twisted and full of malice as he summons a Dracolitch to rid Evermeet of her aerial forces. I see his gaze fall on me and before I can make a sound let alone move, I'm paralyzed, my mouth runs dry, my body shakes as he draws closer, his strides long and effortless, as if he's walking on the very air. And as his twisted grin grows wider with each step, he draws his sword back before it finally makes its way through my heart.

    From those dream I wake with flames all around me. So far I've not had a nightmare like that since being here in Cormyr. Instead I've had two different dreams. The first was of a forest at night. I was walking through it in the calm of night. Fireflies danced around the trees as a path was lit for me to follow. On the air, I heard someone calling to me. I do not know who or from where  their call came from. But I was drawn to it. It...sounded like a woman calling to me. Beckoning me to follow her voice. But before I could reach her, I'd wake up.

    In my second dream, I'm by the ocean. I hear the gentle roll of the waves come to shore in my ears and they echo through my being. Calming and tranquil as I look out to see. Beside me it feels like there's another person there. I can't hear what they're saying, but what I feel...it's happiness. As if it's someone I can trust with my life and past. I try to look at them but when I do they're not there beside me or anywhere around me. I'm alone looking out at sea, yet I still feel like there's someone talking to me. And when I wake up from those kind of dreams...I...I feel at peace.

    And I should tell you that I've met many kin here in Cormyr. The first few days it seemed as though I was meeting kin left and right. But out of all the ones that I've met. One has been rather...interesting but also charming. I find myself trusting him more and more by the day, even though he tells others he's unstable and without his memory. I honestly don't mind if he has his memory or not, a persons past doesn't really define the person they are in the present. Either way, he's been more than kind to me. A gentleman actually, sure he's a bit mischievous and offensive but I don't mind any of that.


    Anyway, I've made this letter a bit long to your liking. But I will try to keep in touch with you as much as I can.

                                                                                                                                                                                                ~ Your firebird, Milelal.

[Raven Credale]

A message regarding Milly:


    ...Finding the girl is all that's important, I do not care if you bring her back dead or not, but I must have her heart as well as her dragons. Dispose of those that travel with her by any means you see fit, I've no need for more failures in my presence. Do this, and the Spider Queen shall be pleased with you, and soon her forces will be able to storm the Green Isle without fear of being stopped. Those that follow the Seladrian shall perish in our Queens poisonous web.


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                - Irilamn Fcilnyn.

[Raven Credale]

Scrap of paper with some blood on it found in the Bramble outside Greatgaunt:



"...I was a fool for thinking Cormyr would be different than Evermeet...Even here I am said to be a shadow...I can't stand being treated as such again..."

.....The rest is torn, missing or charred to much to fully make out what else was written. Only this much was found.

[Raven Credale]

A letter addressed to Irilamn:

Irilamn,

    We've captured the girl you've been demanding we find. Seems one of the towns folk said something to make the stupid surfacer run from the safety of numbers crying. When we found her another elf was beside her, the so called "Mad Mage" We merely knocked him unconscious knowing that without the girl, he'll forget she ever existed. We highly doubt any will come looking for her so till you arrive, we will keep her nice and secure in chains here in the upperdark somewhere. Soon Evermeet with burn and the Queen of the elves there shall burn with it...And we've the Drunk named Otter to thank for such a thing.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Hail our Queen of Spiders, Lolth.

[Raven Credale]

A message from Irilamn:

    Excellent, I'll send an agent to take the girl off your hands and you'll be handsomely rewarded. Given the situation, they will arrive in a months time. Should things go well and no inconveniences happen, I'll even double what I normally supply you with.


                                                                                                                                                                        Irilamn Fcilnyn

[Raven Credale]

((Little OOC note here: Anyone who knows Milly or knows of her, can post here if they're worried and looking for her. It can follow the letter style I've been doing or it can actually be RP'ed. And if by some mighty grace that a DM has been reading this Maybe, just MAYBE it can be migrated over to In-game. Either way, the fate of this sorceress lies in the hands of others.))

[irishrover13]

*A page that looks like it was torn out of a notebook as someone rushed through the woods presumingly towards Greatgaunt.*

Need to remember not to forget her. She is real but disappears, but she is real. Is she real? Need to remember not to forget her. She is real but disappears, but she is real. Is she real? Need to remember… *The page continues on in this vein for a while before something new .* Tea. Books. Blue Eyes. Soft hands and dancing. The smell of Rose and thyme. Sweet quiet laughter and love. Milelal.

[dazza555]

*After a dangerous but rather routine assault on a certain drow infested tower within the Hullack. Zadhura and her companion pick through the bloodied remains of the Lloth Handmaiden and her entourage. Stripping them of anything of all worth in a greed fueled frenzy, she pauses to skim over the paperwork, driven by a morbid curiosity of what a drow may write about in their day-to-day.

Her curiosity reveals evidence at the possiblity of this recent kidnapping. Zadhura would write this off as a lost cause, had she not recognised the name written down.

She snatches up the paperwork along with what remains of anything of value before rejoining her companion, intent to investigate a little further.

... After they've sold all the loot, ofcourse...*

[Raven Credale]

A hastily written letter, that sounds a tad angry, is sent to Irilamn:



    Wretched elf! You lied to us and said the girl was no more powerful than an fledgling imp! She has proven your words wrong and caused most of my men to be the receivers of Fireballs and combustion spells!! You did not tell us she was a user of such destructive magics. Because of your lack of information, she's made her escape from us and is quiet possibly heading back to the surface while my useless subordinates try to recapture her! Should you arrive and she is in our cage again, we will demand triple of our supplies as well as able bodies from your servants to make up for lost numbers. Your daughter is proving to be a more suitable corpse than prisoner...

[Raven Credale]

A message from Irilamn

    I care not of her power or magic, capture her again and I will give you the army you desire and a way to invade Evermeet. These elves have forgotten fear and need a reminder of it. They've become complacent and ignorant once again. And if my experiments cannot make them see, the the Spider queen shall. Milelal is the key to making this a reality, she is the key that will lead to the destruction of the green isle. I've foreseen it by the grace of our Queen. And I will see her work done. My daughter is just a pawn, a tool, there is nothing in her that I cherish, nor have I ever cherished. All I need is her heart, her dragon, and her blood to make a portal from Evermeet to the Underdark...You're way in, shall be from the inside of the Green Isle. But Even if you fail Milelal will be cast out, the daughter of a N'Tel-Quisar will brand her as an outsider and a untrustworthy being. The priests of Sheverash will want her dead for being the child of one who follows the Spider queen. And once she is cast out from society...Bring her to me.



                                                                                                                                                                                                                - Irilamn Fcilnyn

[NHmikey]

*Every few days the Ranger Celithiril passes through Greatgaunt looking for and asking those he knows if they have seen the Elven Sorceress Milly*

[irishrover13]

Passing in and out of coherent functionality Aniril Thiend has been wondering the forest looking for a elf maiden he calls Milly. Stopping allike he meets to ask if they have seen her, most look at the bedraggedled elf with confusion, pushing past him to get to there destination. A few shake theiron heads sadly and give him food or drink. One though a old elf points him North.

[Raven Credale]

A letter to Irilamn:


    Recapturing the girl did not go as planned. We've lost her and she managed to get to the surface again. But we left her in a very exhausted state, I doubt she'll survive another day, especially against the swamp giants and other inhabitants of the Swamps and marshes. Once she's been killed there we'll have a necromancer bring her back after delivering the body to you. This has proved to be far more infuriating than the normal headaches of males. Be lucky we can't kill you personally.

[elvishnation]

*After hearing multiple various stories of drow, a red cloak dark heavily armored Shevarashan elf makes regular patrols Through the edges of the marshes, Skull crag and Greatgaunt.*

[Raven Credale]

Milelal has been found by Anirl at the shrine of the Seldarine. She is safe in Greatgaunt.

[Raven Credale]

Recounting of the kidnapping:



    I remember waking up in a cage. My clothes, weapons, items...all of it was gone. My head, throbbing with a stinging pain, I felt something warm running down the side of my head before my gaze turned upwards and there before me stood three pairs of red eyes. Hair as white and freshly fallen snow, and skin as black as ebony. I knew those beings were and in the pit of my stomach, I knew where they were going to take me. Back to my father. Back to Evermeet so he could use me for his twisted plan and experiment...



    My mind started to race as I felt my pulse quicken, all I saw in my head were images of my fathers twisted smile. In my ears I heard his cold laughter filling them. And around my neck, I could feel his hands crushing my windpipe. The drow merely grinned down at me with wicked eyes. I could see in theirs that I was just a means to an end. But I could also see that I was a play thing to them. One they could torture and keep in chains until my father sent someone to take me back. But I knew it would take time. Time enough for me to think of a way out. A way to escape. My mind was telling me that no one would come to save me from the drow. There would be no rescue party for one measly elf girl. So I calculated and planned accordingly.



    I watched and observed their routines, I listened to what they were saying and I payed attention to he details around me. When I was going to be moved to a different part of the upper dark I waited til I was alone with just a few of the drow then used my combustion spells on them to make them release me. I knew it wouldn't kill them but it gave me time to get lost in the upperdark and leave false paths. Soon enough I located my gear and swiftly gathered it before looking to make my escape to the surface.



    The way back however, did not prove to be as simple as I thought. Many things tried to stop me. Drow soon caught up and with little time to fully think, I unleashed more tha three fireballs at them at once. A choice I new see as a mistake, because I drained myself and could have made it farther than where I was found. Either way, the drow that I had managed to kill with my fireballs, had some invisibility potions on them. I had to use tow to make it out of the marshes and get to the Seldarine shrine to the south, at the Mouth of the Wetlands. As I sat there in the rain listening to the thunder crack through the sky above my head, I kept thinking to myself of all the things others would tell me.



    That I'm a liar. That I must be mistaken. There's no way my father would work for the drow and want to kill his own people. But it's true. I've lived with the man for a long time and I've seen his decent into madness. He turned his back to the Seldarine, he shunned the gods he once followed and walks the path of the Spider Queen...I'd hear the other elves tell me that I'm N'Tel-Quasir because I'm the daughter of a dark follower.



    But the only one who knows me, is Anirl. Everyone else never took the time to know me or my past. They just saw me as another elf in Cormyr. Regardless of that, I will continue to try and move past this. What's done is done and if I am to be named N'Tel-Quasire because of the truth and the alliance my father has taken...then so be it. I'll not change my story or past to appease others that hardly know me.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           - Milelal Fcilnyn

[Raven Credale]

Notable changes in Milelal:

• She no longer looks people in the eye
  
• Her tone of voice is much softer now
• She has become more distance and reclusive
• Her eyes seem to be glazed over 85% of the time. When they're not, fear can clearly be seen in them.
• During fights, Milelal is shaking, and if one listens close enough, one would hear that she might be hyperventilating. Especially when she is using magic more than her bow.
  
• Undercommon now brings about worse episodes for her. (Think PTSD)
  
• Will lie about being alright. (She's far from alright but doesn't want others to worry about her!)

[Raven Credale]

From Milly's journal:


    As of late, those that knew of my abduction or the aftermath of it, have told me that I need to confide in someone about it. But...How am I to talk about something that has plagued me for years? How am I to openly say that someone I once adored and admired has become a nightmare? I feel as though I've been betrayed once again...that I've become a disappointment. The silence of the world around me when I'm alone,  the bustling noise of Greatgaunt, my mind makes me believe I am but a shadow to others. Even before the event I was questioning my faith and which of the Seldarine I really followed. I believed the Black archer to be the one...Yet I've done everything wrong...I've smiled, I've laughed and found joy, I've even found love...Some say I follow Hanali more due to how I am...I don't know though...I feel confused.

    But in the pit of my stomach...I...I feel so much anger. So much that I want to unleash it on every one around me. But I know I can't. It's bad enough the nightmares haven gotten worse..I have to sleep out in the tun so my flames do not cause a forest fire. I fear I've lost control of my magic and that I've become a danger to others. I...I don't know what I should do. I don't know who  I should talk to or trust...Everything around me feels like a lie again. A fabrication made by my father and even now I'm walking in another illusion of grandeur.

    Why? Why me? Why has the elven goddess of destiny cursed me with such a fate? Why am I to live in a nightmare that never seems to end? Who can I trust? Who can wake me up from this hundred year nightmare? Even if I'm with others...even if I'm alone...I still feel my fathers hands around my throat chocking the life from me. I still see his cold blooded eyes staring down at me and that menacing grin with the silver tongue telling me "You're not special. You're not extravagant. You're just a means to an end. A puppet in a greater plan." ...and I believe him...

    I believe ever poisonous word he speaks and if his illusion can bring such torment to me...then My fathers presence will be my undoing, should we be in the same area. I'm weak...frail and utterly stupid. I cannot protect anyone nor can I protect myself...my magic dose not save lives, but takes them. And I...I cannot come to terms with the idea of killing my father...Even if it hurts to know that he was once a kind soul corrupted by the Spider queen....I cannot look at him and kill him in cold blood. The thought alone turns my stomach and makes me ill...Yes, he's become a monster with the passing days...yes he's taken my mother away from me before I knew her...but he's the only family I've left.


    ...I don't know what to do...I don't know who I can trust

...Someone...Help me...Please...

[Raven Credale]

Milly's necklace:

    Though not stated to be one her person, Milly's necklace hold more meaning to her than one might realize. It is the last and only thing of her late mothers possessions that hadn't been destroyed. The necklace is made of a flawless Star sapphire gem encased is Silver with a gold shield like diamond in the center while it hangs on a cord of grey leather. To others the necklace looks like a fine piece of jewelry, but to Milly it is the only thing to remind her that she had a mother for a brief amount of time. But there's something strange about this necklace...Perhaps time will tell.

((I do have stats in mind for the necklace should it be made as an item for Milly.))

[Raven Credale]

    In the bramble outside Greatgaunt the arouma of fire and burned clothing can be smelled mingled with the forest air. In a cave northwest of gaunt, Milly sits on a log watching her old clothes burning to ash. Her eyes are glazed over, and her face is void of emotions as she sits in what she wears now. In her hand is the necklace that once belong to her mother as she rubs her thumb over the face of it. Where he mind is now is hard to tell, but after a while of silence and listening to the fire crackle, she softly speaks into the nothingness of the cave.


    "...Either they ignore you're alive or pity you...friends...loved ones...the only person who really knows you...is yourself. The rest couldn't care if you lived to see the next day or not..."


  It is very possible that the once kind and sassy mage has closed herself off to others. Seems her mind has won the secret war she had been waging since her return to Greatgaunt.

[Raven Credale]

(Milly in her new outfit, Cloak not included)



    After a night in the cave, the young sorceress departed in the morning and walked back to Greatgaunt. She did not speak a word as she passed Bentin or Waric, just merely took a seat at the table near Frubo's stage and started to read her book. Moments passed and she had a small conversation with her lover Anirl and the self-proclaimed madam of destruction Loria, most of which she tuned Loria's self-indulged rambling out once her love had left and the newly arrived Maria can to inquire about where to find work. However after the conversation had ended and the silence drifted through the sleeping town of Greatgaunt, Milly rose from her seat and departed back to the Bramble as her Pseudodragon, once named Rhu'Grazi; now renamed to Bondrasi (Nightmare in common) Crawled out of her pack and followed her on her way there.

    "Mistress...You cannot possibly hope to survive without the aid of others. You're committing suicide!" The dragon proclaimed as it followed Milly.

"Suicide? No, this is not Suicide Bon, this is something else. Suicide would be throwing myself to my fathers feet so he might complete his evil plans for Evermeet. And why should I need the aid of others. They'll only use me as a mean s to an end just to get their precious coin. No one can be trusted." Milly coldly said as they entered the forest.

    "Not even Anirl?" The dragon inquired.

Milly was silent for a moment and avoided her dragons gaze as she looked to the west. "He's the exception..." Is all she said before she started walking north. "I'll be fine on my own and should that crazy cat herder pick me off the leaf covered ground again...then I'll think about venturing with others again. Til then...I'm going to be off on my own."

A sigh comes from the small dragon, but it doesn't question its mistress any farther.

[Raven Credale]

A letter to a 'friend':


Syl'adria,


    I hope this letter finds you in better conditions than I find myself. There is much I must tell you and most of it I can feel you will not like. First off, the matter in regards to my father as worsen. He's had his drow henchman find me here in Cormyr and they did manage to capture me and held me in a cage for nearly a ride. But I escaped them and burned any and all that dared to capture me again. I killed some but injured more. A mistake I hope to correct these coming days. As of now, rage, sorrow, and the desire to see many things burn flood my drive to press on. I wish to see my father dead and if I must go to Evermeet myself and make it so, then I will set out on that path and eliminate him. I know this letter doesn't reach you in my normal manner, but I've become enlightened on somethings. One being that people, n matter who they maybe, are only using others to get what they want. Secondly, friendships are as dead as a burned tree. They are never there when you need them and when they are, they ignore the signs and act as though something never happened.

    As I said, I am not my old self, if anything I've started cutting people out and only keeping a few. Such as yourself. But before you write back and tell me what I'm doing is unhealthy, I'll not hear it. Others forsake me a mad woman, the spit in my face and tell me I am a liar and that I do not know of what I speak. They cast me aside and treat me as something less than dirt, even maggots are treated better than I. So do not tell me that what I am doing is 'unhealthy'.

    ...Adria...I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have wrote that but...I can't control my emotions. I...I'm scared. You know how I get when I lose control. Remember that time Rolofa scared me? I shrieked so loud out of freight that I accidentally set the tavern on fire. Well this is like that. I can't stay in town for long, or else an event like that might happen even from just a memory. I...I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go or who to turn to and on top of it all I don't know what I'm suppose to do. I feel lost, disconnected from others. I see them and all I see in return are masks. Everyone around me wearing am mask that smiles, but the words are like venom. I...I wish you were here Syl'adria. I wish I could confide in person to you instead of through letters.

[Raven Credale]

Update on Milly/ Explanation:

    ((So as most have seen the once sassy elf, she's become very disconnected from others. This is due to the many failed Will rolls I've done. I rolled a d8 for her will save and completely sunk the ship of her being able to save herself. (that dreaded 1 happened). Since then I've been getting rolls that have been less then 5, so either the Dice gods are heavily intent on seeing Milly stuck in a perpetual spiral of loneliness, or I've horrible surfaces to roll dice on. But what's done is done and I've yet to get a good roll to help Milly out of the funk she's in. I was going to leave this up to others to help Milly out, but considering she's hardly ever in town let alone seen in town...kinda makes that hard to play out.


    But she has hiding spots in the Bramble and in Greatgaunt (Believe it or not):

Greatgaunt: Sits on the hills across from the potion shop, by the water below that hill ad around the corner. Can't be seen from the road there.

Bramble Woods (Right outside Gaunt): Quiet cave up in the north west corner of the map, The small island with the stone bridge to it, That little nook near the bones and badger (North east corner of the map).


    So if people want to try and pester her, they're more then welcome to do so. Highly recommended that she's dragged to places whether she wants to go or not. She's not allowed to have a choice until she gets it in her head that her fathers actions don't reflect who she is. Show the sorceress who says 'I have nothing to care about' That she does have something to care about.))

[Raven Credale]

Migration of a scene:

In-game:


    Sitting in the sleeping town of Greatgaunt, Milly tried to resume er normal daily activities but couldn't focus as well as she thought. Instead her mind decided to flash her trauma in her mind for a moment causing her to lose more focus than what she had already. Not wanting to have Greatgaunt become a giant bonfire due to her loss of control, Milly quickly left it for t he cave in the Northwest corner of the Bramble outside Greatgaunt. Upon reaching her destination, Milly could no longer hold in the amount of destruction that wanted to be let out. Flames shot out from the Moonelf and consumed all that was in the cave and roared hungrily towards the entrance of the cave. Threatening to consume the Bramble. Milly, in a shaking voice tries her best to calm down but it only makes the flames roar louder as they move closer to the cave entrance.

Out of game:



    "Someone...help me...." Milly quivered as she spoke. Her magic had gotten out of control and she had no way to quell the fire around her. She had nothing, nor could she think of anything that would make the flames calm. Instead all that she tried made them grow larger and hungrier. She cursed herself for being so weak, for not having the amount of control needed to push out her own trauma.


    "If I was stronger...I wouldn't need to hide...But I can't even keep myself safe. I can't keep anyone safe...I'm a danger to everyone and myself...." She placed her hands over her ears and tried to tune out the flames roar...but the heat, the intensity of the flames, they would not stop their reminder of what she is capable of. The amount of destruction she can cause by just losing one moment of strength. "I've nothing...no one to help me..."  her eyes widened before she let out a scream, causing the flames to grow even more out of control as the whole cave now looked like she was sitting inside an inferno. "...Anirl...." was the only word she softly spoke before the flames overpowered her voice.

[Raven Credale]

From Milly's journal:



    Today I lost control again...thankfully I was already in my cave when it happened but the feelings of fear flooded my mind faster than my resolve. So there I sat in the middle of a fire storm threatening to escape. It took me some time to grow cold to the world again. To become disconnected from it all before I went into town. I sat by the river for a time until this cleric of Ilmatar walked over to me. Henrik was his name, at first I doubted his words, I saw only the mask I see others wear. The false empathy for others, the silent judgment they give you within the first five seconds. But he pulled me aside and I told him why I see myself and act the way I do. I told him of my father and how twisted he is. I...I didn't bring up the experiments he's done or the fact my mother is dead because of Irilamn...but I guess he could sense that some how. He said my story is similar to his wife, though she's of dragons blood where I'm not. He asked if I was a wizard or "Blood Mage" I...I really don't like that term, it sounds so....crude and a bit demeaning despite it being an Honor thing...I don't understand it.


    Either way...he's the second person to call me 'Firebird', Syl'adria being the first, though she said it in jest because of my name and my love of evokation. But hearing it spoken again after thirty years...I wanted to break right there and cry. I miss Syl'adria deeply and I can only imagine that she is no longer on this plain. No doubt due to my fathers henchmen. But regardless of that, Henrik gave me something to help with my...sleeping difficulties. I don't know if it really will help me sleep peacefully, it would be a great welcome to finally sleep and not wake up to flames again...He also said he would get in touch with someone named Shmoke...or something...about my loose of control with my magic. I know it's fear that's plaguing me. Fear of my father, fear of being consumed by my own abilities...Fear that I'll become like my father some how.


    Henrik offered to give me a safe place to go, as did Celithiril once I told him of my past. But I...I don't know if there will ever be a safe place for me. I don't know if I can ever be free of these chains that are wrapped so tight around me. Even if I want to break free, they come back and chain me down once again...


    Chains that I could ignore when Anirl was around...but he's gone somewhere and I...I feel the weight all over again. I want to see him...I need to see him. As much as I've become an anchor for him to remember things...he's become my anchor to feeling less....less than what I'm feeling now. With him I don't feel so helpless, I don't feel so jaded by my own actions or doubtful of things. Sure I still feel helpless at times and like I'm burdening others or annoying them...but not so much when he's around. This state of isolation...I wish he'd just pop up out of nowhere sometime with tea and ask me why I wasn't following his orders and being social. Or smack me upside the head saying something in Draconic since he knows I still can't speak that language. But...maybe my absence has affected him as well...Maybe he's forgotten me and headed elsewhere...maybe my existence has been erased from his memory all together and anything referring to me is gone.

    I don't know...This loneliness...what I'm doing to myself....I feel so weak....and so tired...maybe I'll give the sleeping draught a try...maybe I'll dream of that forest again...I hope so, anything is better than fire and brimstone.

[Raven Credale]

From Millys Journal:


    The draught Henrik gave me worked well, I didn't have my usual fire and brimstone dream. No I...I had a dream of the past, but it wasn't the past. I saw a woman in this dream instead of Irilamn. We were at my home in Evermeet, back in the garden. She looked so elegant, so refined, so...beautiful. Her smile was soft as were her eyes, she was unlike anyone I'd ever seen. Her eyes were like gold as she looked at me, her hair similar to mine in color. The woman opened her arms to me as if asking for a hug, but I didn't go running into them, she seemed to understand why and tried to speak, but I couldn't hear anything she said. She tried for a while before softly sighing then turned and vanished as the garden started to wither and die. I tried to stop her but my feet were rooted to the ground.


    Then I woke up. I was back in the cave and rather than see it full of fire, there were blue roses around me. Like where I had slept started to grow impossible life from the stone. I don't understand what caused it but...I felt a sense of peace in my inner storm. Something I've not felt for many weeks now. But seeing that woman in my dream...I wonder who she is and why I dreamed of my old home...Though it doesn't set my heart at ease any. I still wish Anirl was here with me...that way I could get out of whatever I'm in faster...but perhaps he's had enough of me and my...problems...Perhaps he and I weren't really meant to be...A sad thought to think, but I cannot help but feel that it is true...

[Raven Credale]

From Milly's journal:

   Today I saw Anirl again, and what I felt, I was overjoyed, happy but at the same time anxious. I thought he'd forgotten me, but instead he got lost on his way back from Valkur's Roar...said something about fighting a lizard in a cave then becoming the king of that place....I...I still don't understand how that happened but....I'm not going to question it. But I also met some people today. I met a paladin of Torm named Dreshae, she seems nice and has a level bead, I also met a woman named Jen but I could have sworn I already met her before....either way they were nice.

   I also traveled with Celithiril to the place he had talked to me about before. The Elven settlement in the Halluk, he thought it would be a nice place for me to visit and it was. It was very peaceful there and I felt like I was home. After so long of being away from an elven settlement, I nearly cried after a moment but I didn't because well....I was in a place that was watching me. I didn't want to appear as broken as I felt. But I listened and I respected what was said as well be mindful of things. I was a guest after all.


   But after spending some time and chatting with Cel, he escorted me back to Greatgaunt. Though I should mention that when he was showing me statues of the elven pantheon I felt a very strong pull to Corellin...either it's because he's the father of all elves or because I'm looking for something in him that I will never find in my own father. But I think I'll just leave that as a thought for now.

    Also, I've decided to wear my mother's necklace. When I do I don't feel my father's venomous words leaking into my head. I also feel protected from other mind effects, like I have clarity over what's been affecting me. I also feel like I'm protected from harm, like how mage armor or barkskin works. Maybe the woman I saw in my dream really was my mother, and maybe her necklace will help me over come things with the help of others. I suppose only time will tell ..
And I hope those Drow Hunters don't try seeking me out so soon. I know they don't give up so easily....

[Raven Credale]

(Milly after getting back to her old self, burn and necklace included. (In-game the progression is not this far yet. So foreshadowing doodle! Yay~))

[Raven Credale]

OOG (Out Of Game):



    While sitting at the table in Greatgaunt, listening to others talk around her, Milly quietly kept her head down and played with the necklace around her neck. But as the night drew closer, silence surrounded her. Giving a soft nod on a request she goes back into her thoughts, her hood hiding her closed eyes while she tries to think of the dream she had a few nights back. She tries to picture the woman that could have been her mother, she tries to re-imagine the garden they had been in, and she tries to hear the womans voice. But all that can enter her mind is a lone word

"Shadows."

    With a furrowed brow and letting out a soft sigh, Milly closes her book and stores it away before she looks up to the night sky. A tune plays behind her and she looks over at the bard while she listens. Closing her eyes again the allows the music to lull her into her imagination. However...These images weren't of just the woman. They looked to be memories of sorts, me ories of her and her father. As the tune continued in the background Milly held her head as she watched the memories of the two until they suddenly stopped and before her stood the woman with a sadden smile. She went to speak but before she could, the tune had ended and Milly was left with a splitting headache.