Reflections

[Kitiara]

The stone slabs felt cold beneath my bare feet, their surface smooth, as if thousands of footsteps had worn them down and polished them into a perfect mirror of stone. Carefully I walked forward. I couldn’t see a thing in this darkness and looking around was merely a futile gesture to hide my uneasiness. Somehow I knew, that if there would have been light, it would have reflected on dark shiny pillars, just as black as the ground below me. They would reach up like proud guardians, to support a huge domed ceiling, so high, that the light of a torch would not be able to reach it. I knew, that no windows or doors broke the smoothness of the walls, and that this gigantic hall was empty. It had always been like this, empty and silent. Nothing, no furniture, no tapestries, not even dust. Just me and the army of pillars.
It was hard to breath. The air felt thick, as if ages had pressed on it, pushing it down under its weight, forcing it into submission. It was like breathing time itself. I walked on, aimless through the blackness, when a sudden sensation made me freeze. I cannot say what it was that made me aware. Maybe a slight vibration of the floor, maybe a cold whiff of air that caressed my pale cheeks, perhaps a sound of flesh slithering on stone, but I knew, I was not alone anymore. Something was coming. I tried to turn and run, knowing it would be futile, but every fibre of my being was urging me to flee. I could not move, just stood there, frozen. My heart pounded in my chest, beating to the fast rhythm of excruciating fear. The hairs in my neck stood upright as the atmosphere itself around me seemed to turn cold.
Then the darkness parted and I saw it, towering above me, it scales just as black as everything around me, but not reflective like the floor but dull, absorbing and killing all the light that dared to touch it. It's forked tongue flicked in and out of its huge mouth, sensing and feeling the air around me. Then suddenly it whipped its tongue in my face and I could feel my flesh crack open as the white hot pain numbed my senses. In a reflex I touched the wound, feeling the thick warm blood trickle between my fingers. I wanted to step back and scream, but my limbs would not react to the panicked shouts in my mind. Frozen, I could only watch as it bowed its limbless body to level its eyes with mine. It's dark all seeing globes stared at me and the poison that glistened on its white fangs dripped slowly to the floor, hissing and steaming on the rock. I stood there as heartbeats passed, petrified by its penetrating gaze. Then I heard it speak in my head, its whispering voice full of malice, hate and sardonic amusement. “Do you recognize me?”

I woke up and immediately reached for my cheek, relieved to found my skin still whole and unmarked. I could not suppress a deep sigh as the reality of my room chased away the unnerving fragments of my dream. Silently I lay there, waiting for my heart to resume its normal rhythm when a short knock on my door freed me from my troubled thoughts.
“Come in…” I managed to say in a weak voice. Mari entered and curtsied silently, knowing better then to annoy me with her mindless chatter this early on the day.
After she opened the drapes and refreshed the water on my night stand she turned to my closet and began organising my clothes.
“The purple dress today, milady?”, she asked with a honeysweet voice. I nodded and sat upright in my bed, just now noticing my nightgown was soaked with cold sweat.
“And..ehhh…” she began almost apologetic, “the High Priestess asked me to tell milady, that her presence is required.”
I nodded again but made no movement to come out of my bed.
“...ehm…as soon as possible.” Mari added meekly.

[Kitiara]

The chambers of the High Priestess were located in the lower levels of the complex and quite a walk from my room. I hurried down stairs, past countless corridors, passing but a few other inhabitants of the temple and listening to nothing but my own footsteps on the cold marble. The closer I got to the inner sanctum, the darker it became. The well kept dustless hallways were lit by just a few calmly burning torches and their light were not able to chase away all the darkness, leaving me walking in an almost perfect alternation of light and dark.
When I arrived at her chambers I knocked on the door. "Come in" I heard and I quietly entered the darkness of the room beyond. I could not see a hand before my face but I heard someone close a book and settle some papers. Then in the strange language of the Gods, one I never had been given the honor to understand, a melodic female voice spoke an incantation and a soft light that seemed to come from nowhere, filled the room.
The High Priestess sat behind her desk and didn’t waste a look on me before she gestured to come closer. Silently I obeyed, waiting for her to ask me a question before daring to speak.
"My daughter, " she said, "I have a task for you. I do not have much time for this so I will keep it short. Our neighboring country Cormyr is turning out to be a place of great interest to us. After the defeat of the orc hordes in Arabel the land is coping with power struggles between old and new factions. I want you to travel there, find out as much about these organizations as you can, seek out new alliances and help our church grow." A small smile softened her face as she seemed to be lost in thoughts for a few moments. "Of course agents are already operating in that area but you will be left by yourself to discover their identities and seek them out. Consider this a test for your worth. " She paused for a moment and gave me a considering look. "Do not fail...."
Then she stood and walked around her desk to stand before me. I looked at her, a face so like mine. I didn't have her fair hair and her straight nose but the resemblance was still undeniable. I could not help but wonder if I would still look so much like her when I reached her age and if I would grow as powerful as she had.
"Take this." she gave me a small pouch and I heard a few gold coins rattle. "This will cover your expenses for the first week, after that you must provide for yourself and will not receive any support from the temple." She looked me up and down and then added: "And remember that a good reputation can open many doors but is a fragile thing. Guard it like you would your most precious secret."

[Kitiara]

Sitting in the carriage bouncing back and forth on the hard wooden bench I think back how it all started. How my mother reached her destiny and embraced her faith so many years ago. I think I was the catalyst, unwillingly and unknowingly. My mother told me enough to imagine her story in my head as clearly as if I were an unseen spectator, which in some twisted way I actually was...

He was the gentlest man she had ever known. She had met him in a shady tavern were at the time she was waiting tables. Her time there seemed like endless serving of stale beer, trying to smile at the customers and avoiding their groping hands. At first he had seemed nothing more than just another nobleman looking for some fun in the lower parts of town. More of the young noblemen of Saerloon frequented this inn, probably to momentarily shake of their stiff obligation and enjoy the revel of a more mundane life. Somehow the two of them got to talk in the chaos that normally ruled the inn and she was surprised at how sweet he was. He had taken her out of that seedy place, given her a proper room, beautiful clothing and gifts that she only could dream of. And in her bed he would always stroke her hair, kiss the soft skin between her breasts and tell her that he would soon be powerful enough to disobey his father and wed her. She smiled thinking of him, absentminded stroking her belly as she waited for his knock that would soon sound on her door. She would tell him tonight and he would take care of her.

The sneer on his face hurt her more than any blow she ever received in her life had done. "Are you crazy?! Do you think I want to ruin my future by taking in a harlot and her bastard child? Are you really that dumb?"
She just stood stunned as her world came crashing down, tears streaming down her face. He went on relentlessly. "I have treated you well, paid for you, cared for you. We could have had fun for such a long time but you managed to get yourself knocked up. You blew it!"
"But..." she managed to stutter. He looked at her with disgust and loathing on his face and without another word turned on his heels and left, leaving her speechless and broken.
The next day she was thrown out of her room with nothing than the clothes on her back and the babe in her womb. She lived on the streets, selling her body to anyone who cared to give a copper. In vain she tried to get rid of the child that had cast her in this darkness. The procedures left her bleeding for weeks, vomiting from the vile herbs and spending her nights sick and hopeless in the back alleys looking so miserable that not even the beggars felt tempted to touch her. In her delirium she dreamed of the life that she once thought would be her salvation, grand balls, dancing in beautiful dresses, looking at his perfect smile and his dark eyes. But every day reality came back. She was alone.
And when she finally got back up her feet and managed to get the money together for another consult with the witch, the old lady just looked at her with cold eyes. "You will regain your strength very soon, and you will need it cause this child 'will' be born. The Gods have decided this."

Her strength returned as well as the blush on her cheeks and with that the radiance that comes with being pregnant. She resumed her old profession amazed that business was even better now she was visibly carrying a child. Then one day she walked the streets and there he was. He was sitting on his carriage, smiling his perfect smile and talking to a young noblewoman next to him. In a reflex she called out for him but he didn’t hear her. She watched him ride by, his hand lightly on the back of the girl. The desperation she felt almost made her choke.
That evening in a nameless inn on a nameless street she spent all her hard earned coins on liquor to drown the remains of love in her heart. And then a man approached her. He somehow looked familiar to her and he invited her to his table. "I have been watching you." he said with sympathy in his eyes, "Life has treated you bad. It seems so unfair…He can go on with his life…but you…"
Somehow she was not surprised this stranger apparently knew about her misfortune. All night they talked and only a few fragments of his words lingered through the haze of intoxication. "There is no hope… Life is a pitiful chain of tragedies and failures. Why fight this? Why bother? It is useless. Better to embrace this and endure the life that is given to us. "
The following day they talked again and the next. He told her stories, took her to places and made her see in awe. He helped her shape her hatred and her bitterness to a perfect tool. And she found something new in herself, a power, a strength that had always been inside but that she just now dared to acknowledge.

She stood watching in a back alley, silent and patient. She didn't need to see the man who had become her tutor to know he was somewhere in the dark with her to witness the final step in her teachings. There was a slight drizzle but she did not even notice it it, nor did she feel the child twist in her belly more active then normally. She had only eyes for the man that was approaching, sharing laughter with the sparsely dressed blond girl that clang to his arm. They were both staggering in the night and were slowly getting closer. She heard the girl giggle "Come with me." she laughed enticingly gesturing to the alley. "I will show you something special."
He grabbed the girl’s behind and kissed her in the neck. "You teaser." he grinned, his voice slurry from alcohol as he let himself be pushed in the shadows of the alley. They walked past her to the dead end. The blond girl pushed him against the wall and began buttoning down his pants, bending down to pull them down to his ankles. Then the girl stepped away from him and walked back out of the alley, steady and straight as if the drunkenness had never been there.
"He is all yours" the girl whispered to her in passing. She felt a cramp in her lower body, so strong that it made her stop breathing for a moment. "This must be the feeling of anticipation. Tonight it will be done." she thought. Then she walked over to him. He was still laughing and shouting at the back of the leaving blond "Come back you little vixen and finish what you started..." Then he became aware of her standing in the shadows next to him and he looked at her. It took him a moment before he recognized her.
"..oh...you" he grinned sheepishly. "Come to join our little fun?" Without hesitation she drove the knife deep between his ribs, stabbing him over and over again until the blade in her hands grew slick with his blood and the muddy puddles colored red. Emotionless she watched the light die in his dark eyes. Then she felt another cramp, so intense that it made her double over. She groaned and a warm fluid leaked between her legs. "No, it is too soon...the baby is too weak..." That was maybe the first time she realized she now wanted this child. And there in the alley, in the shadows of the night, she gave birth to me, and it was blood that welcomed me into this world, the blood of my mother and my father.

[Kitiara]

And in the night the dream came again….

“Do you still not know who I am” the creature hissed. Panic nearly overwhelmed me as everything in me screamed to run. I barely managed to turn around to keep looking in it’s dark hypnotic eyes as it slowly slithered around me in circles. It’s forked tongue flickered in and out of it’s beak and the poison glittered on it’s fangs. Then it stopped and moved closer to me, its nose almost touching mine.
“You really don’t know.” There was amusement in it’s voice, “I will try to make you see.” I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t move, I barely was able to breath. “Look!” it said. And as I stared it in the eye images of times gone formed in my head.

Awkwardly I held the huge blade in my hand, trying to fend of the blows that relentlessly followed each other. With great effort I lifted the sword and met the steel of my opponent. The impact was so strong the sword flew from my hands. I wanted to scream how unfair this was and that I really didn’t want to do this, but instead I just grabbed my numb wrist and waited.
“This is useless!” the man in front of me lowered his sword and looked at me. “The girl is just too weak. She will never be a capable fighter. Pah…” He spat on the ground and gave me such a ferocious stare, for a moment I thought he was going to beat me just for not meeting up to his expectations.
“Look at her,” he continued, “she looks like a mouse. How can you even think for a second that this little girl is destined to…”
“Quiet!” a firm female voice said. The warrior opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it and turned to the woman who now slowly walked on to the practice area.
“I will not hear your whimpering anymore, Gonthar. This girl is stronger than you think. Strength is not always measured in muscle or the skills to handle a sword. You just didn’t find the right strategy for her.” She looked at me, observing me. I never got to know my mother that well, but I knew her enough to know that she was about to test me. I could see it in her calculating eyes. I stared back at her, as a wild cat would do when confronted with another. Those few freezing seconds when everything seems to stand still before one of them decides to make a move. Then I heard her voice, melodic and faint, speaking words I could not comprehend. In a reflex I jumped to the side, not waiting for her to finish her incantation. At that moment I saw her point where I just stood and a mass of black swirling tentacles spew forth from her palms. The blast was so intense that it’s power knocked me to the ground and where the energy licked at my legs I felt my flesh burn. The pain was so enormous I could not move anymore, I just lay there screaming and crying on my back.
“That could have killed her.” I heard Gonthar say. I always considered him to be a remorseless man but I swear I could hear surprise and repulsion in his voice.
My mother ignored him and walked over to me, helping me to sit. When I looked at what the blast had done I barely could keep myself from throwing up. The flesh was all burned black, still shriveling and smoking. It was not a normal black but it looked like my flesh had been corrupted, from the wounds a strange sensation of both hot and cold spread through my body. She looked at it matter-of-factly.
“If she hadn’t been so fast and sensible to jump out of the way she would have been dead now yes.” she spoke to Gonthar without making the effort to look at him. “But she lives, like I expected.”
Without even making eye contact with me she stood and walked over to Gonthar.
“You see? A sword would not have helped her against that particular spell. She is agile and has an inner strength that would put you to shame…. So…make use of her particular skills and find her weapons that do not need brute force to be wielded. I will let others teach her how to use her head because you most likely are not fit for that.” Gonthar flinched and stared daggers at her. Then he shot me a look full of malice. He did manage to keep his voice calm, I’ll have to give him that..
“As you wish, my lady. But I cannot guarantee anything. You have not given me a lot of time to shape her.”
“Make sure it is enough.” She was about to walk away but then turned back again.
“Oh and Gonthar…” she said, “Get her some healing.”