Cherri-Anna Lucendale

[cloudeagle]

~The Journal of Cherri-Anna Lucendale~

I can not recall when it was that I arrived in Cormyr. I know that a few years have passed but it seems much more than a few years and yet prior to coming here I do not remember feeling like I was living. So in a sense.. I was born when I came to Cormyr.

To look at me... You would not know that I came from a high standing family. I grew up with servants that fussed over me and catered to my whims. My days comprised of etiquette classes, rigid martial training and doing all those things that a lady was meant to do. I painted, I sang, I danced, I played instruments and flounced about at regular social gatherings. My parents made sure that every part of my day was occupied with some activity. The only time to myself was riding one of my horses and it was the only time that I felt freedom. I would ride as fast as I could feeling the rush of the wind upon my face and I loathed the idea that I would have to return to the prison of my life. It was not until my mother told me that I was to marry a man I despised that I finally found the courage to leave. I convinced my parents to give me one year to find my own husband in the agreement that if I did not I would return home and do as they wished. I never intended to return.

I decided that I could shape my life in any way I wished and I could be as reckless as I wanted to be for I was finally free to just live.

I was once Lady Cherristelle Annalin Lucendale but now I am just Cherri.

When I arrived I met so many new people and the freedom to choose my own friends made life exciting. I discovered the truth about my heritage when my blood stirred. I found love for the first time but in the end he could not accept what I was becoming and left to walk other roads. I was pursued by another who wove an intricate web of lies and deceit surrounding himself with people who would have stabbed me in the back at any moment. I met another whom also could not accept what stirred in my blood and every day I grew stronger. Men drifted in and out of my life satisfying the fires that only carnal pleasure or the strike of death could bring. The dreams got more intense and I felt the walls of insanity close around me. I was angry, I was hungry and I searched for some sort of release.. some sort of comfort from the chaos of my life but nothing came and so I slept for the first time.

The cool snow at first melted around my monstrous form as I sat in Eveningstar not wanting to move. I don't know how long it was... days... weeks.. months. Slowly the torment of my mind drifted to an emptiness and my dreams of fire and death subsided to nothing. My blood cooled and I was able to finally able to rest for some time.

I don't know when it was but I woke and I faced the world once more but I was hungry.

I then met a man. He was emotionless, expressionless and yet I stirred something in him. His heart pounded in my presence and his scent that lingered with the decay of death became an intriguing one. I felt love again for a time and cherished it yet the man was not accepted in the world. With the new thread of undeath upon the lands he was unable to express what he had dedicated his life to due to laws of man. He replaced his eyes with black stones enchanted with powerful magics and gazes upon the world with his ghostly, vacant stare. Then.. like all the others.. he left without words and I went into a state of despair once more and found comfort in my cold, cool sleep not wanting to deal with the world for a while.

I woke again to a dream of my horses running through the snow. I had almost forgotten about them and so I returned to Greatgaunt to see what had changed.

It was then that I met someone new. A shifter... A man of many forms. I don't know what it was but I was drawn to him. He stared at me seeming intrigued by my wings. I can't recall the conversation other than it being about wanting to hunt bears and then he came over in his bear form then changed to a snake and slithered around my feet. I was drawn in like a cat chasing a mouse and my blood began to stir once more. I knew then that things would not be the same. I was in denial at first that I pursued him even though he was with another but he did not turn me away either and I would feel his heart race around me. There was still no word of my former lover and I found it harder to resist the pull that formed between myself and the shifter. I also had the sense that is was only the calm before the storm and what a huge storm it was that came in.

[cloudeagle]

Empty streets….
Burning Buildings….
A blazing, stinging heat that touches at my skin….
Yet the flames lick around me clutching like thorns I can not hold…..
I walk dragging my sword creating a line of blood along the ground as the blade drips red….
There are no screams….
No shrieks of death….
Only still bodies that line the streets….
I feel it….
A sense of rage….
Did I do this?

I opened my eyes sitting up immediately with my body burning with a heat no normal human could endure. Beads of sweat trailed down my flesh and a sense of terror filled me. The dreams had stopped since my final transformation or at least I thought they had. It took me a moment to adjust as my eyes glanced around the room before they drifted to the one sleeping beside me. The bed coverings had been charred slighty where I had been laying. Mmmm… I must have breathed fire while I was sleeping. I reached out and gently brushed a lock of his hair from his face before I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his forehead whispering softly.

“I will return soon, love…. I’ll be in Eveningstar if you need me.”

I got dressed looking at Fenix as he slept. I took a moment to scribble a note leaving it on the counter for him to see and headed downstairs straight to Kale offering him a pouch of coin more than enough to replace the burnt coverings.

“Err…. My apologies again for the sheets.”

I walked outside to see the normal mingling of faces but I left with an urgency not looking at anyone. My stomach growled. How long had it been since I ate? I had completely forgotten about food even after I said I was going to hunt after the glorious battle with Galrog. In my head there was a pounding, an irritation that would just not go away. Every muscle in my body was tense and restless. Perhaps I should have grabbed Dimitri or one of the other kin that frequented Cormyr. I could have asked Fenix but he looked too peaceful and was in well need of the rest.

I walked with my heavy steps, armoured and ready for battle should Tempus decide I needed one. I found myself growling at people that passed by as I continued to walk with urgent steps. If they looked startled I did not see them. It was not my intention to do it either. Thoughts constantly rushed through my mind….. distracted thoughts. Fenix, The wedding, the battle with Galrog, The tournament, Acamus and Mirrir, The forests, Battles long gone, Battles more recent, Ronso’s return, Dinosaurs in Wild Magic Cages, Zeek, Cassily, Dimitri, Blood. Every thought was a glimpse too short to grasp or to hold any clarity.
I felt my heart pounding and my blood was burning. Calm yourself…. Calm yourself Cherristelle.

The rest of the walk was a blur. I found myself sitting in a pool of warm water and around me was a sea of white and I started pulling handfuls of the snow towards me to try and cool my body down. I needed guidance but I didn’t know who to turn to.

[cloudeagle]

It is strange how ones world can seem so perfect and with a snap of the fingers everything built crumbles and you are left standing in nothing but the ashes of what was.

I realised I felt the rage. I felt it's destructive force as it burned through me like a wild fire. My blood burned and all I could see was red.

I sat.. just staring blankly at the statue of Sune and all I could do was just breath.

No tears fell... I could not form words to the few that came to visit me in the temple.... I felt nothing at all... Just the emptiness of the red as it washed over me.

"Let me tell you something about fire...." The figure takes out a piece of parchment stretching the corner of it over a candle flame to let it ignite. Quickly the parchment lights and begins to move as the figure continues.
"It moves swiftly and consumes everything it has in it's way until either something stops it or it has consumed all..." The figure blows on the piece of parchment blowing out the flame and he holds it up to show her.
"What do you see?"
She stares at the parchment with it's burnt corner looking thoughtful before responding.
"The corner has been eaten away but... there is a smooth line at the edge where the fire was blown out."
"That is correct..A smooth clean line.. and if the fire was allowed to continue there would be nothing left of the old... Just a smooth clean slate to rebuild upon. So you see... There is no need to fear the fire.. because even though it destroys.. it also cleanses and paves the way for something new."

I stirred and the red slowly began to clear as my senses returned. I focused on on the statue and I realised I did not need to destroy, I did not need blood, I was no longer angry.. I just felt a strange sense of calm.. and a knowing that I am survivor and I can rebuild my world in any way that I want to.