Strohm's Daybook: The Unlikely Ranger.

[themarquis]

1.0 - My Room. Scout Barracks. Mosstone, Tethyr.

These pages are private. If you're reading them, then I'm probably coming for you.
___________________________

I hate the crown.

I don't want anything to do with this uniform. Not anymore. Some of us don't even know who we're fighting for anymore. At least, I don't. I wanted to protect Tethyr. Today I realized what that means to my superiors. Branding trees and chopping them down is one thing. If we need the wood to build boats, fine. I don’t care. So long as I get my pay.

But burning trees down because you know that wood elves built some sort of colony up in the tree is another damn thing entirely. “The smoke will snuff them out,” he said. “Less raiders for the crown's harvesters to worry about.” A snicker. “Maybe we can snag one for ourselves,” said another. “Then sell her. There’s a Zhent I know in the docks.” Laugh it up.

Real efficient, scout battalion twenty-two. Real damn efficient. The elves ran out – snuffed – and I couldn’t tell if the tears in their eyes were because of the smoke or because people they’ve never met decided that they were worth nothing more than a few pieces of shiny metal, and that it was up to “us” to decide that for them.

I never thought I’d feel for elves. Not with the academy’s history training. Not with the farked up stories they tell you back in town. Nope, never thought I’d feel for elves, but my gut twisted so bad at the sight of it that it makes me wonder if our essence isn’t in the head or heart, but the stomach.

I tried to say something, but I couldn’t. I just froze. I didn’t say a Gods-damn thing. I just watched. Froze there. Couldn't believe it.

I can’t do it anymore. I don’t care if it’s just battalion two-two that's done it. And I don’t care if they brand me for desertion.

I’m leaving. Tonight.

[themarquis]

1.1 - Caravan, on the road. No idea where it's headed.

Being an orphan has its perks.
___________________________

If I did have parents or a family, I wonder what they'd think of me now? First day on the job. First day out on the field, away from the academy. First day, and I squirm. Can't stand it.

So here I am, in this unwashed uniform, on a caravan, riding away from Mosstone to the Gods know where under the judging eyes of these other passengers. Do they know what I am? Do they know what I've done? I watch them watch me, and I question whether I'm really ashamed of what I've done tonight - left the unit - or what I haven't done tonight.

That gut feeling again.

Had to get away from Mosstone. Couldn't look at my friends the same way. Knowing what they'd done. They acted as if nothing happened. These were good men. These were good men. In the academy, I've seen them cry and laugh and I've seen their friendship. But for the purposes of some crown, after all that history, all those rules and all that discipline... acted as if nothing happened. Just took the captain's orders.

[themarquis]

1.2 - Bowshot, Trade Way. Far enough away from Mosstone, anyway.

I'm my own worst enemy... at least, I was.
___________________________

I've been wondering why I didn't do this sooner.

You spend your time under the thumb of all these rules, drillers, officers, captains, teachers... parents, too, I guess, if you've got them - you think: wow, where would I be without all this? All of this is good for me. I can't leave. Imagine how different everything would be.

Of course, every part of you wants to go. It doesn't feel right. It's good for you, but it doesn't feel right. Well, I figured it out: it isn't good for you, and that's why it doesn't feel right.

Why didn't I do it sooner? The same reason I didn't do or say a thing for those elves back in Mosstone's forest.

I was afraid.

I was afraid of what would happen if people knew that I had broken the rule, disobeyed an order, disagreed with the captain, or whatever. I was afraid what would happen if I did things different than what the rules wanted me to. Every damn day of my life I've been taking orders or listening to someone, from that damn orphanage to that damn academy to that gods-damned moment when the captain ordered us to snuff the elves out.

But you know what?

I was wrong. I spent the last nights looking over my shoulder, wondering what's going to happen to me. I broke the rules. Something's got to give. Rules aren't meant to be broken. But, hey! Man, oh man! No one is looking for me! There are no wanted signs, no notices, hells, no one even knows who I am!

No one cares! It's amazing.

I'm going to do everything I've wanted to do but couldn't. I'm going to do it, because I can. Because it feels right - it feels right to me, and that matters.

Rules aren't meant to be broken - except, when they are.