Daeun Al'mon

[rhjmas]

Leaving the Bluff

Daeun blinked back tears as the ship slowly made its way out of Raven’s Bluff harbor. Once again he was leaving a city heartbroken. Unlike Waterdeep, at least this time he hadn’t gotten his lover killed. Nevertheless, his inestimably bad judgment had gotten the better of him one more time.

He should have known not to get so deeply involved with her, especially after the first two rejections. A dark elf’s ways, especially in matters of the heart, are quite foreign to the fairer sort. Deep down, he realized that it would inevitably end this way, particularly since her aunt, her confidant, kept filling her head with a sensate’s notions of love and disdain for commitment.

As the cog bobbed its way out of the mouth of the Fire River into the Inner Sea, a haunting refrain from a sad, sad song ran through his head, “Fare you well, fare you well, I love you more than words can tell. Listen to the river sing sweet songs to rock my soul.”

He had done well, materially, during his stay in the Vast. He was leaving with over a million gold pieces worth of coin and precious gems, three very, very fine bows and the best equipment available short of demigod gear. Spiritually, however, he felt bankrupt. Three relationships all ended poorly. While the last parting was the least contentious it was the one that hurt the most. He loved her, was still in love with her and now they were parted, perhaps forever.

The trip from Suzail was uneventful and he fully expected the return journey to be similarly boring. Thus it came as something of a shock when pirates seized on the smaller trading vessel off the shores Cormyr somewhere south of Suzail. Deciding there wasn’t much of a fight to be made and being a fine swimmer, Daeun quickly decided that his life was worth far more than the wealth in his cabin and leapt into the murky waters, striking for shore.

He found himself on a moor beside a river leading inland and followed it upstream to an outpost near a bridge crossing.

[rhjmas]

Daeun sat in the corner of The Prancing Bull, holding an inked quill and looking at the parchment in front of him sporting the single word, "Dear". Only one word into the letter and already he was faced with a crucial decision. The salutation would determine the entire tone of the message and he carefully considered the options.

His first impulse was to use his pet name for her, the one only he privately called her those tender moments. Considering this, he smiled wistfully and thought of their midnight escapade, the two of them surrepticiously engraving a new name on the main fountain just inside the east gate of the Bluff and boldly signing it with their pet names for each other. The smile eventually turned into a pensive frown; no, that would be seen as needy and inevitably the words that followed would turn into a desparate plea for some sort of forgiveness.

This left him with the choice of familiar or formal. He recalled their first long conversation in the Green, even before her first rejection of his advances. Wasn't it she who had berated him on his lack of self-respect, who went so far as to say to his face he was allowing himself to be used? She was right, of course, she often was and that had lead to a quick dissolution of a relationship he shouldn't have started in the first place.

If ever there was a time to show pride it was now. Therefore, formal it would be. After all, the fact that he was writing her at all would convey the key point: I am thinking of you. The words flowed off his quill easily now, the message a bit stiff but indistinguishable from a simple report from one casual acquaintance to another. I am here, I am well, I am making new friends, etc.

Finished, he sealed the parchment, and addressed it simply with her name. After all, everyone at the Silver Sails Trading Company knew her as she was the daughter of the owner. He rose, exited and sought out the Sails ship he had spied in the harbor earlier, the question lingering in his mind, "If I am not simply running away, what exactly am I doing here?"

[rhjmas]

He normally enjoyed this stretch of the journey along the coastal road, especially when alone as it was conducive to introspection. Today, however, his dark mood was reflected in his face. It wasn't the trip out to Suzail. Travelling with Starla of whom he had become fond, was always fun regardless of the circumstance, besides repaying his debt to her wasn't merely an obligation but an affirmation of friendship. It wasn't the fact that, yet again, no message awaited him at the Bull since he would have been very surprised had there been one.

It was the frowns, so many of them over the past few days. He tried to think of who hadn't shot one his way recently and could only come up with two names. Upsetting so many people in the short time he'd been here had to be a record, even for him. This was a sharp deviation of the usual pattern... usually it was one at a time and the falling out came only after getting to know him well enough for disappointment to set in. Or the other... but he quickly banished that memory; not here, not now.

Was it "Is try... is too... is hard" as Starla had so eloquently put it? Even as he considered that, the image formed before him, so vivid he almost believed she had Danced alongside him all this time, silver hair and gleaming teeth contrasting with dark skin, her head tilted back in that teasing laugh she would use.

"Expect nothing, Cheeky. That way, you'll never be disappointed."

[rhjmas]

Alright, calm down.

He'd been thinking about this for days now but had become obsessed after their time in Mystra's grove yesterday. She was evidently considering something, something big, but was this it? He couldn't know. He really couldn't guess. Everything he knew about her suggested it was, nevertheless there were always things that could be missed, misread -- in his case, ususally was and never with a good result.

Some small part of himself stood apart, watching. It wasn't raining now, something of a rarity here. Their eyes were locked, they weren't about to go anywhere, at least for a little while. Not much was spoken save soft greetings and inquiries about wellbeing. However, even from this detached vantage point it was obvious some deeper message was being exchanged, through looks, expressions and touches.

The larger part still within himself roiled with doubt and her evident nervousness wasn't helping. There were so many reasons and so many ways for this to be wrong and only one in which it was right. With as much force of will as he could muster he banished memories of the bad mistakes, wrong decisions and foolish actions that made up his past. Whether wrong or right it was better to find out now than later.

"... To be my bondmate?"

[rhjmas]

Inevitable

They returned from their private conversation. The man, one whom Daeun thought of as a friend, spoke. Daeun heard his words, clearly a joke, and laughed. Then it registered, not just her silence nor her sullen look nor her reserved demeanor but the trepidation in her mind, that part of her she shared with him. All semblance of cheer drained from him and he moved to a secluded glade motioning her to follow.

She didn't immediately come. Moreover, he felt nothing but fear and concern from her. When she finally arrived, the man was again with her and repeated his previous statement. Deaun looked to her in complete bewilderment. She remained silent, avoiding his eyes. Crushed, he fell, his consciousness falling in on itself. A small part of him heard the words he bitterly spoke, "I told you this would happen."

It felt like that was all that was left, a small part that cared to continue. Feeling nothing but emptiness, that very small part moved him, shambling off down the trail into the forest. It watched him raise his bow against the bandits, felt the sting of thier fiery arrows in his flesh and reveled in the pain. It saw the huge wolf bearing down on him and relished the thought of feeling his throat torn open. Not today, as Daeun's training took over and the wolf fell to yet another arrow.

The man who once he considered a friend was there as he exited the forest, speaking yet again. The words had little meaning to Daeun although perhaps he responded in some semblance of conversation. Turning away, he looked out across the river to Thunderstone and that small part that cared could only think...

This isn't even yet again. This is far, far worse.

[rhjmas]

Stunned. Her words, the question beyond unkind, nearly contemptuous. If she, who knew him so well, could even think this what must others?

Confused. How could they be so different yet so close? Trying to include her, seek her counsel in a matter of great import... first indifference, then this.

Resolute. Just do as she would: make a decision and let her find out later through words, actions or even from someone else.

Resigned. Some gaps cannot be bridged, merely accepted.

Self-respect. An old refrain plays again in his thoughts, one he thought he had outgrown.