Not taking RP personally

[Gusty]

Hi everyone

I have a couple of posts that I want to make about Roleplaying. To qualify myself, I have been playing D+D about 20 years since I bought red box basic at the tender age of twelve. I have played every version of the game since, and while I prefer 2nd edition PnP most of all, I have adapted to 3.5 and online gaming and have played NWN religiously since it came out.

There is something I am always afraid of in this medium of the game and that is hurting people's feelings. Like for instance I have a character, a paladin say. And he is the hero of town and a friend to all. Then circumstances in his life change, his wife disappears (quits playing for a while say) a friend disappears (quits playing for a while say), he begins to question his faith, is tempted and falls. Perfectly reasonable, yet I have seen what happens when other players do not understand that it is just character development and not a personal thing at all. more then once...

When you cannot look across the table into another persons eyes and let them see that you are just having fun exploring a facet of character, well it can be upsetting. also understandable to feel that way.

Sometimes it is difficult for people to understand that my character does not like their character even though I may be friends with the player behind the character. Or that the things I am doing to their character if I am a villain say, are not being done to them personally. It is a razor's edge of difference but it is something that everyone should take a moment to realize.

I definitely want to be friends with every player not neccessarily with their character however. I am pretty serious about how I play my characters, their alignments and their ways and means. Please do not take it personally if their development changes over the course of their existence. it is a long road from level one to level 40 after all, with many twists and turns along the way.

cya out there, good luck to you all - Gustyrill

[DM Justicar - Creator of FRC]

I certainly second this notion.

I have always felt this way, but never really expressed myself so eloquently on the matter.

Well said, and agreed. At least by me.

[manyasone]

Hm, I find people taking a lot of things my characters say or do far too seriously. The sad fact is that most of my characters are evil, and that evil folk do evil things.

The other day, one of my evil characters was roaming a deep dark dungeon. Obviously, evil or not, he wasn't going to trust some total fully armed and armored stranger walking out of the darkness to say "hullo!".

So, when a fully armed and armored stranger did walk out of the shadows and say "hullo!" to my character, my character told him to "Pike off" and made an effort warn the stranger that he was treading on dangerous ground by motioning to the vicious-looking darts in his belt.

As if to further put my character on edge, the stranger looked at him, brandishing a longsword and said (exact quote) "U r weak". My charater replied with a simple "What did you just say to me?" in a harsh tone (when you look at it, that is another warning).

"I said u r weak"

My character frowned, pulled some darts from his belt, and made sure that the stranger wouldn't be able to pose a threat, or insult another total stranger in a dark dungeon ever again (not a wise thing to do in the first place considering that most things you meet in a dungeon are not going to take kindly to being called weak, as my character proved).


I don't like not being able to role play my character for fear that the other player will say something like "Man, why are you so mean to my character? He didn't do anything to you."

Yeah, well, sometimes evil people are mean.


This is my official announcement:
I AM NOT MY CHARACTER! ANYTHING MY CHARACTERS SAY/DO IS ENTIERLY INDEPENDANT OF ME! I AM NOT TRYING TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS! I LOVE MY FELLOW PLAYERS!

[soulfien]

I had an incident yesterday where a PC broke RP and said he was taking what we were saying personally. He actually thought we were insulting him, not his character. Finally we were able to diffuse the situation before he killed us out of spite.

I know all about this topic. Hell, even Bassa had it up to his neck in how rude my rogue, Kethra, was. It's all about personality. They're going to clash. That's what makes it interesting.

I'm actually starting to love how my current rogue is developing. She's full of suprises. She's rude to some people and polite and respectful to others. It almost seems random and chaotic, but trust me, there is a method to her madness and none of it is to ever be taken personally. Once that happens, I'm no longer having fun. It's not my intention.

I'm not saying to just ignore me either. If the character Anitta insults is of the type that doesn't take insults lightly then don't hold back- let your PC react how they would react. Just keep it all IC and all is good.

[Quadhund/Greenhouse]

Soulfien, you better watch what you wish for ;D. Hroth has been in many PvP conflicts (not many i guess but more than most people i would imagine) because he is rude. My latest was with a lvl 1 character that kept insulting hroth. Hroth doesnt like that, so he made it a point to teach him a lesson. Now the match was totally unbalanced as i was lvl 13, but I called in a DM to overview the RP just so he knew that I was acting out of character and that everything was correctly RPed. So if your o so rude rogue gets it in her to cause some trouble, make sure you contact a DM so that everyone handles the situation appropriately.

[Forum Administrator]

ManyAsOne said:

My character frowned, pulled some darts from his belt, and made sure that the stranger wouldn't be able to pose a threat, or insult another total stranger in a dark dungeon ever again (not a wise thing to do in the first place considering that most things you meet in a dungeon are not going to take kindly to being called weak, as my character proved).

If you so happen to stumble upon a stranger deep within some creepy dungeon, tomb or whatever, I would make an even greater effort in "Jumping into the mind of my character" and try and act accordingly the to situation representing itself.

Surely, it shouldn't take anyone long to calculate the either sheer stupidity OR bravery in suddenly calling this "stranger" weak.

This is a roleplay server, mates. And I would like tp put emphasis on the word "ROLEPLAY.

If you meet a Paladin, and by some reason decide to call him weak, expect a "Hrmpf!" and a swift departure from said Paladin, perhaps with a slight frown on his face.

Do the same to an evil rogue, assassin or warrior of Cyric, and expect the worst case scenario, because I will expect said evil character to roleplay accordingly to some stranger calling him/her weak. And yes, he/she will probably inflict pain upon you for your choice of words, and perhaps evn kill you.

That's just bravery OR stupidity, above all, heh.

With regards to the "I really don't like hurting other player's feelings when I'm playing online games", I agree fully to this myself.

I'm a really great guy in real life (if I may say so myself, heh), and I make an effort every single day to pay respect and kindness towards my fellow man, or woman, for that matter.

The key to not getting on the wrong side of anyones feelings while playing, is to simply use common sense. Although the "evil" aspect in AD&D is far more uncivilized and primal than the "evil" we meet in todays world, there are limits to how you can act.

Playing "evil" does not grant you the right to act like an ass. It grants you the distinguished priviledge of playing with a personality that you otherwise wouldn't, say in the real world.


Cheers,
DM Bassa

[Forum Administrator]

Quadhund said:

Soulfien, you better watch what you wish for ;D. Hroth has been in many PvP conflicts (not many i guess but more than most people i would imagine) because he is rude. My latest was with a lvl 1 character that kept insulting hroth. Hroth doesnt like that, so he made it a point to teach him a lesson. Now the match was totally unbalanced as i was lvl 13, but I called in a DM to overview the RP just so he knew that I was acting out of character and that everything was correctly RPed. So if your o so rude rogue gets it in her to cause some trouble, make sure you contact a DM so that everyone handles the situation appropriately.

Having your newly made freshman at level 1 pop on out into this big, powerful world we like to call Faerûn does NOT grant you the priviledge of being rude and mean to anyone you meet.

In Horthgars case, I wouldn't expect any less than a sheer show of respect that the insulting character, be he level 1 or an Epic character.

Playing level 1 does not mean that your hands are free to do whatever you like, just because you OOC'ly know that they "wouldn't be able to lay a finger on you, because it's not allowed for a high level character to attack/kill a low level character".

*Chuckles*

Think again, mates.

As long as it's all nicely roleplayed, and no grief is involved, expect the unexpected.

Besides, it doesn't make any sense at all for some 18 year old young man, still wet behind his tender ears, to approach a brutal warrior such as Hroth and start insulting him.

Hell, if that was me, I'd probably not even get too close to Hroth, just to make sure I didn't do anything stupid that might tick him off, hehe.


Cheers,
DM Bassa

[Forum Administrator]

Soulfien said:

Hell, even Bassa had it up to his neck in how rude my rogue, Kethra, was.

*Mumbles* Kethra!

Damn, talk about nasty women... she's got it all, lol.


Cheers,
DM Bassa

[soulfien]

DM said:

Having your newly made freshman at level 1 pop on out into this big, powerful world we like to call Faerûn does NOT grant you the priviledge of being rude and mean to anyone you meet.

You know me better than that. I've never complained about being killed by someone much higher than myself if it was RP'ed

[DM Richard (Retired)]

I believe Bassa was making a blanket statement not something directed at any one individual. He just used an already given example.

[Forum Administrator]

DM said:

I believe Bassa was making a blanket statement not something directed at any one individual. He just used an already given example.

Bingo!

Besides, I didn't even know that it was your character involved in above-mentioned event, Soul.

No worries, mate.


Cheers,
DM Bassa

[Tenebrus]

Gustyrill said:

I definitely want to be friends with every player not neccessarily with their character however. I am pretty serious about how I play my characters, their alignments and their ways and means. Please do not take it personally if their development changes over the course of their existence.

Or from the other perspective, when you're role-playing it's quite possible for your character to be friends with a character played by a player you don't like. Nothing that's said without a ooc qualifier behind should really be taken personally by anyone (although this is definetly easier said than done)

[Misha Aogail]

Sometimes the inter-player conflicts are a good thing. Torian got into a fight with a higher level character she thought was annoying a long while back. The other character won, but Tori now uses that as a goal to strive for. To be strong enough to finally knock some sense back into this character (which is gone now, but she doesn't know that).

Just remember, IT'S ONLY A GAME. Besides, you think it's hard not taking things personally here when you're hiding behind a computer screen? Try having your character insulted in a LARP to your face. Wanna talk about having trouble distinguishing between in-character comments and OOC comments and taking things personally...

[kenny26]

i know excactely what you mean... ;D

i NEVER take RP personally and i don't expect anyone else to take it personally. if you do, it can be downright dangerous. knowing the difference between real life and a game is important, i cannot stress the importance of this enough, as simple as it may seem.

and it is kinda hard to take RP personally in nwn. like misha says it's a much more common issue when you have a face to talk to and insult.

i remember a session of dnd some time ago with a new player. one of the regular players and myself had gotten into an argument (i think it was about the loot), and we were shouting in each others faces, just about ready to rip each other's heads off! ;D
then the new player asks nervously "you're not fighting for real are you...?" and in an instant, me and the other player turned to look at the new guy and smiled friendly and said "course not"

i could see in his eyes he was just stunned by the sudden change in our expressions. must've pretty impressive to look at...

[jake]

In my own experiences, assuming is seldom a bright idea, but in some cases...well, the exception is found.

I've never gone wrong with assuming the following (even when I've been wrong!)

It's just a game, and we're all here to have fun.
-Sometimes, this isn't true for some, but I've found that even the most jaded or stand-offish of sorts tend to eventually respond positively to being treated in a friendly manner OOCly, even if the IC of things isn't going their way.

Behind every character is a human being. (Or, making a point of not taking 'it' personally, whatever 'it' may be)

-The interesting paradox I've discerned about escapism is that we sometimes tend to 'forget' (not that we don't know it, but just misplace the active awareness on occasion) that we're all just people, be we DM or GM or Player or otherwise. This means that anyone, at any given point, could be having a bad day, or just not be thinking at a crucial moment, and other human-inherent foibles. If someone snaps, or pops off at the mouth, or does something reasonably off-beat and unfriendly OOC, I tend to let the RP go on hold for a bit and chat the person up in Tells. We've all had bad days, and sometimes we log on and try to RP when we're just too buggered by something to properly do so

And sometimes, some people just need to blow off some steam, and getting a bit of understanding from an unexpected direction can often cripple a bad mood

Of course, no one should tolerate being verbally abused, and no one technicly 'owes' it to anyone else to sit and listen to a rant in tells about this or that...but, if we keep and spread a positive outlook amongst our friends and whomever else we're reasonably able, we'll at least surround ourselves with happy people.

(And eventually, it'll spread out across the entire playerbase, Pinky! Can you imagine it? A server full of well-adjusted, happy people! ...quit looking at me like that, Pinky. Pinky, put the cheese grater down. Pinky, I'm warning you! PINKYYYYYYY!!!!.....)

*coughs*

Heh.

So, long story short...
I don't think there's anything wrong with prioritizing 'fun'. That is, in the end, what we're all here for, I think. Addressing this as a priority is usually best done by not taking things personally (even when one might be justified in doing so), having a genuine care for the state of the players (even if we don't necessarily have to) and just playing our chars in the understanding that what happens IC is IC-motivated, IC-pertinent and in no way to be crossed-over as some kind of OOC 'veiled attack'.

But, them's just my five or six coppers.

And...it's the philosophy I've gamed online by for years'n'years So that kind of thing can at least be expected from my direction.

I'm out!

-Jake Incorporated's "Functional player? Oh yes I am!" department

[DM Justicar - Creator of FRC]

jake said:

In my own experiences, assuming is seldom a bright idea, but in some cases...well, the exception is found.

I've never gone wrong with assuming the following (even when I've been wrong!)

It's just a game, and we're all here to have fun.
-Sometimes, this isn't true for some, but I've found that even the most jaded or stand-offish of sorts tend to eventually respond positively to being treated in a friendly manner OOCly, even if the IC of things isn't going their way.

Behind every character is a human being. (Or, making a point of not taking 'it' personally, whatever 'it' may be)

-The interesting paradox I've discerned about escapism is that we sometimes tend to 'forget' (not that we don't know it, but just misplace the active awareness on occasion) that we're all just people, be we DM or GM or Player or otherwise. This means that anyone, at any given point, could be having a bad day, or just not be thinking at a crucial moment, and other human-inherent foibles. If someone snaps, or pops off at the mouth, or does something reasonably off-beat and unfriendly OOC, I tend to let the RP go on hold for a bit and chat the person up in Tells. We've all had bad days, and sometimes we log on and try to RP when we're just too buggered by something to properly do so

And sometimes, some people just need to blow off some steam, and getting a bit of understanding from an unexpected direction can often cripple a bad mood

Of course, no one should tolerate being verbally abused, and no one technicly 'owes' it to anyone else to sit and listen to a rant in tells about this or that...but, if we keep and spread a positive outlook amongst our friends and whomever else we're reasonably able, we'll at least surround ourselves with happy people.

(And eventually, it'll spread out across the entire playerbase, Pinky! Can you imagine it? A server full of well-adjusted, happy people! ...quit looking at me like that, Pinky. Pinky, put the cheese grater down. Pinky, I'm warning you! PINKYYYYYYY!!!!.....)

*coughs*

Heh.

So, long story short...
I don't think there's anything wrong with prioritizing 'fun'. That is, in the end, what we're all here for, I think. Addressing this as a priority is usually best done by not taking things personally (even when one might be justified in doing so), having a genuine care for the state of the players (even if we don't necessarily have to) and just playing our chars in the understanding that what happens IC is IC-motivated, IC-pertinent and in no way to be crossed-over as some kind of OOC 'veiled attack'.

But, them's just my five or six coppers.

And...it's the philosophy I've gamed online by for years'n'years So that kind of thing can at least be expected from my direction.

I'm out!

-Jake Incorporated's "Functional player? Oh yes I am!" department

I am proud to have you amongst us.. please, stick around!

This is the kind of thinking that keeps me going as a designer/fellow player/DM.

Cheers!

[heimdall]

*bump*

This thread pretty much already says all there is to say. Just take a few moments to read it over, or re-read it (as the case may be)

[ShadowCatJen]

I'll be the first to admit to being too paranoid for my own good. My logical mind and my kinder side tells me that the people I play with are fair, realize that their PCs reactions are not due to OOC player feelings, and that no one takes advantage of their positions as either DMs or "veteran" players to further their personal vendettas.

Unfortunately, I've been scared. I -- and thus my characters -- have been victims of player and DM OOC feelings being brought IC. I could bore you all with details, but it's neither here nor there. It's not a pleasant thing to go through, especially when you thought you could trust them to do everything in fun and to do everything fairly. They did everything from metagaming to being rules mongers to excuse their metagaming. All because they didn't want anyone to be above their own PCs in power.

It was a stab in the back, and it effects me still.

I try like a maniac to remind myself that not everyone has an OOC agenda. That not everyone is exactly like "them". ArcadiaDragon does manage to help keep my paranoia somewhat in check, but the thoughts still run through my mind.

It all comes down to a matter of trust. I ask myself constantly if the player on the other side of that character is mature enough to realize that my PCs emotions are not the same as my emotions. I don't know the true answer to that until I get to know the player behind the character. That takes time.

Until then, all I can do is try to have fun while RPing and hope that everyone is as mature as I hope they can be.

[Driderman]

shadowcatjen said:

I'll be the first to admit to being too paranoid for my own good. My logical mind and my kinder side tells me that the people I play with are fair, realize that their PCs reactions are not due to OOC player feelings, and that no one takes advantage of their positions as either DMs or "veteran" players to further their personal vendettas.

Unfortunately, I've been scared. I -- and thus my characters -- have been victims of player and DM OOC feelings being brought IC. I could bore you all with details, but it's neither here nor there. It's not a pleasant thing to go through, especially when you thought you could trust them to do everything in fun and to do everything fairly. They did everything from metagaming to being rules mongers to excuse their metagaming. All because they didn't want anyone to be above their own PCs in power.

It was a stab in the back, and it effects me still.

I try like a maniac to remind myself that not everyone has an OOC agenda. That not everyone is exactly like "them". ArcadiaDragon does manage to help keep my paranoia somewhat in check, but the thoughts still run through my mind.

It all comes down to a matter of trust. I ask myself constantly if the player on the other side of that character is mature enough to realize that my PCs emotions are not the same as my emotions. I don't know the true answer to that until I get to know the player behind the character. That takes time.

Until then, all I can do is try to have fun while RPing and hope that everyone is as mature as I hope they can be.

Although it is not evident from your post, I assume you're talking about events that took place on anotherserver, right?

[ShadowCatJen]

driderman said:

Although it is not evident from your post, I assume you're talking about events that took place on anotherserver, right?

Think if this happened here I would still be playing? Yeah, different server.