Hungover and drunk

[DM Grizwald]

i got this pretty funny email from a friend. If you don't laugh, then you just can't relate. Guess you had to have been there one time or Another..........



One Star Hangover (*):

No pain.

No real feeling of illness.

You're able to function relatively well; however, you are still parched.

You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way.

For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.



Two Star Hangover (**):

No pain, but something is definitely amiss.

You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun.

The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut,

which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.



Three Star Hangover (***):

Slight headache.

Stomach feels crappy.

You are definitely not productive.

Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.

Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns.

You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.



Four Star Hangover (****):

Life sucks.

Your head is throbbing.

You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke.

Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.

You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding
the bumper cars.)

Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts.

Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five craps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.



Five Star Hangover (*****):

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube.

Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.

In fact, you are probably still drunk.

You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy

Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you.

You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning.

Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt.

Death sounds pretty good about right now!



THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon



THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity

British Constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Loquacious Transubstantiate



THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

Nope, no more booze for me.

Sorry, but you're not really my type.

Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.

Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

[sneakingyoda]

I've only been hungover once in my life, and it was a very light hangover at that. Thirsty and a headache.

It was puzzling for me because the night before all I have choosen to drink was Fuzzy Navels. I suppose it was the missouri humidity that did me in.

[Talus]

Addition to (*****):

You desperatly hope someone brings you asprin, for the mear thought of moving seems worse than death.

[Quadhund/Greenhouse]

I specifically recall every single five star i have had. There were only 3. After each, I swear off alcohol for a few months, only to be lured back in.

1st: July 3rd, 2002 Friends birthday. Typical night at the bars, but my friend continued to fill up my glass with beer. I lost count of how many i had because my glass never really emptied. At the time I enjoyed the idea of the "magical refilling beer glass", but come the next day I regretted it. I awoke, not realizing i was still drunk and decided i was hungry. I grabbed a bowl of rice chex and since we were out of milk decided to have water with them. After finishing the bowl of what i thought was an amazing breakfast, i reentered my room and realized the bed was soaked with an unknown liquid. Looking down at my pants, it only took me another 10 min to realize what had happened. After all the exertion of stripping my bed of the sheets, the affects of the hangover began. My stomach started to reject the "delicious" breakfast i had had, and since my bed was indisposed at the moment, I went to lay beside the toilet. When my friend left the apartment, i was so weak i couldnt get up to say good bye to him. My mom called later that day and my roommates decided it would be fun for her to speak with me. Luckily she is an understanding woman. I remained next to the toilet for the next 10 hours. Then the fireworks began. Though my apartment was no where near them, every explosion felt like someone was hitting me in the head with a baseball bat. Eventually, I called my girlfriend (now my wife) to explain to her why i might be dead when she returned from missouri and how much i loved her. I think i cried because of the amount of pain i was in. The next day i was still hungover till about 6pm, when i ate my first piece of bread.

2nd: Sept. 23rd 2005. I was sent to canada for a week to work in our vancouver office. It was friday and we went out to happy hour. Unfortunately I forgot to eat dinner. The night of drinking included poker at a buddies house, trip to the waterboat casino, and then the strip club afterwards where i bought a coworker a lap dance and talked to a couple that was enjoying an anniversary at the club. I thought I was doing fine because by the end of the evening, I was fairly coherent. The next morning i awoke. I fluctuated between shivering from cold to sweating profusely from heat. Being in a hotel, there were no comforts of home. I had to walk to the nearest deli and get something to eat. Luckily, i think the waitress understood in what bad shape i was in so she seated me very far from any other customer. Afterwards, i returned to my room and slept nearly all day, and finally was feeling good about 12:00am. Ironically, the next day was sunday and Hrothgar was killed by some baddies . I only now can enjoy the irony of that day.

3rd: Dec. 23rd 2005. Consumed a 750ml bottle of tequila by myself at a hotel party with some friends. Proceeded to make a fool of myself by locking myself in the bathroom and being the only one to get that sick. Ended up crawling to bed that contained a naked man. Woke drunk the next morning. Did not puke till i arrived home where my wife was waiting to go to my parents for christmas eve. Puked 9 times that day (including dry heaving). Had to pull over 3 times on the hour drive to my parents. Best part was the first puke. It was neon green (looked like mountain dew) and it was right behind my wife's car. And I had told her the night before, "I'll only drink just enough to have a headache".

Oh and i dont know about anyone else, but when the hangover gets really bad, I get the shakes.

The number of four stars are in the double digits. The problem for me is that i think i can still drink like i did in college, which is not the case. Ask Vind, I had a 3 star while i stayed with him and i only had like 10 beers.

[sneakingyoda]

Dued... that first hangover you discribed made me wence.

[Aodhan the Unusual]

I remember my one and only big hangover. It came about from drinking 2 regular and 3 top-shelf margaritas (the mixer was just there for color) at a friend's housewarming party. I found out two things then:

1) I get depressed drunk. To the point I cried for five hours straight.

2) Tequila seriously messes with your head and is the only reason I cried for five hours straight and woke up, being cradled by a friend of mine in a very uncomfortable position, though I felt fully rested.

So yeah... Oh, what's really fun though is going to goth night at a club, throwing back a few, then start poking fun at the really bad goths.

[DM Grizwald]

talus said:

Addition to (*****):

You desperatly hope someone brings you asprin, for the mear thought of moving seems worse than death.

AHAHA so true

[DM Grizwald]

I wish chril and jorban would bloody get on this one. Chril has a really good one to tell and i think so does jorban (remember guys, Treger's party)

[marklar]

clarkgrizwald said:

I wish chril and jorban would bloody get on this one. Chril has a really good one to tell and i think so does jorban (remember guys, Treger's party)

LMAO "jamie no!" when you hear the story you'll know

[DM Grizwald]

yeah while his dad was slapping him in the face

[ChrilWavingdark]

ok due to the nagging of padrin i will post my five star hangover.

It was my buddies birthday so we all went to his place to get stupid drunk. I swiped my dad's 66 of vodka and went to town on it. Jordan was mixing my drink and as he got drunker my drinks got stronger.

After about like an hour and a half i had done almost 3/4 of it and was really having fun. I sat down to play some nintendo 64 and remember having a very difficult time aiming. Then everything went black. The next thing i remember is waking up in my room. I didn't feel better till 8:00 pm that day.

LOL dave and marklar can fill you in on the rest as I wasn't coherrent.

[marklar]

i vote daves fills in the missing 20 hours LOL

[DM Grizwald]

here are the missing pieces. Chil and i were playing 64 then all of a sudden chril goes "Im tired" and lays down. Next thing i know i hear this loud burp and look and chil's puking on his 64 controler. A buddy and i grab him and drag him to the bathroom where we lay him down by the toilet. At this point, jorban starts freaking out. I quit drinking to become the damn baby sitter for the two babies. I walk jorban to the same bathroom as chril (who's passed out in a corner in the bathroom) and jorban starts puking. i think he was drinking Sex on the beach or something.

Anyways those two eventually started to stink up the place...and i mean it smelled REALLY bad. I was playing some pool when our drunk host decides to put some...well...poisonous chemical around the door to the bathroom in attempt to cancel out the smell. After he was done laying that stuff around while i wasnt looking...chril finds a way to open the door and tries to make a break for freedom. He rolls around in this bleach/chemical poison crap for a bit. Its all over his mouth and nose and i swear he was breathing it in. At that point my buddy and i (the sober ones) decide the hell with this, (i think we were just 16 when this happened) so we call jorbans wicked cool mom. She comes and cleans this whole chaotic mess up.

Changes chril, at which point he is now passed out on a bed, and has jorban sit by the toilet counting to 100 (just to keep him occupied). I thought i would be a dick idea to make him count backwards from 100 so i make him. AND to my amaze he counts without errors backwards from 100. It blew me away.

Jorbans mom then calls chril's dad to get chril home and taken care of. His HUGE dad, comes and tries to wake chril up. He was such a mess...his dad was slapping him in the face pretty hard and Chril wouldnt budge and when he did wake up for the split second, chril would yell out things like "JAMIE LEAVE ME ALONE!". lol oh i will never forget it.

Eventually his dad just picked him up and we started carrying him out of the basement. Out of no-where he wakes up and stiffens up, hitting his head hard on the roof and yelling something like "Janelle let me go!". I had my hand on his head while his dad was carrying him so that he wouldnt hit his head on the roof, i failed miserably trying to help.

Finally we get him out and home. I drive jorban home and he passes out in his brothers bed.

The end.

[DM Grizwald]

Oh and to this day, chril does not drink vodka

[marklar]

lol yeah he tastes borax every time he smells it.

when jordan counted down from 100 he was like 73.74,72,71,70......*he startes laughing*....69, 68

[marklar]

lol and he didn't yell "Janelle let me go." i was at the top of the stairs watching him. i remember clearly he yelled "RRAAA" LMFAO remined me of a zombie movie. right after he hit it he went limp as he flailed.

[Foomanchu]

LMFAO!!! that night was righteous!!! lol okay, so...it was not sex on the beach lol i drank a 26 of Zombie premixed CRAP! (it sucks...really), and around a 26 of Rye, then some of Chril's Vodka/Coke or whatnot...and yes i remember the WHOLE night!!! except for when I went to sleep on the pool table but that wasn't that long. I have this thing, were I can remember all of it, then the next day I don't have a hang over and if I do...it's a one * thing lol the only part I hate is DURING the puking...puking drunk SUCKS, puking while sick ROCKS! don't get it twisted ya'll so anyways to clarify I didn't freak out over anything lol unless Dave was on something other then alchy and halucinating or something and didn't tell anyone lol, and he didn't baby sit lol no one did...infact...they left us in the room to puke our nuts out lol and eventually came to poor BORAX all over to stop the smell...his head was in the shower and his body was blocking the door so i had to move that carcas of his out of the way so they could get in there in the first place lol...dead weight! soooo heavy i couldn't believe it! and he's so skinnnyyyy!!! lol so yeah chris ended up getting the borax alllll over his face and he was lying there lookin like a coke-addict breathing in the yummy detergent :S and dave...lol who are these sober people your talking about? LOL my mom told me allll about the people who claimed to be sober lol and how bad their slur-osis was .

^ that paragraph is gettin to long and unbroken

so yeah you count to keep your brain together because it keeps you level...keep ur head on a swivel! the power of the brain is SICK! lol anyways yeah i remember counting and not wanting to count haha and YES!!! steven would stand there and laugh when i got near 69 and tell ppl 'watch watch he's gonna do it again!' LOL

man chris's dad wasn't harsh about it he was actually pretty nice about the whole thing cuz...we've all been there lol and yeah i heard that grunt chris made when he hit the ceiling and i thought...WTF was that!?!?! lol

oh man my brother told me about smith and his...yelling 'gimme back my beer!' lol for some reason he was harrasing my bro for his beer lol my bro handed him some change he found laying around or something like that then he just threw it back at him and yelled that he wanted his beer LOL and my bro told me about the 'naked guy in the washroom upstairs' lol turned out it was the same dude and he was refusing to pull his pants back up or some crap LOL ... crazy kids! ... i can't wait to be a dad!

so yeah...it's a pretty funny drinking story but as for hangover story...nope...i pretty much woke up the next day, called chris to see if he was a live (he was barely alive) lol then i did stuff around the house like i did every weekend lol but i was quite groggy

[marklar]

LOL i called chris at 5 pm and he didn't wanna talk, i gave him a 2 min brief on the night and didn't talk to him for a few days later.

and as for smith jordan lol don't even get me started on that guy when he's drunk. worst drunk EVER!!!! he sits there and laughs for HOURS!(i'm being completely serious one did he did it for 4 hours straight!).

[Booze Hound]

ugh, I am not even going to get started on some of my heinous drunk/hungover stories. But that is a pretty good one you guys have.

and yea Quad is a lightweight ninney these days, he sat around ALL DAY when he was here after our one beer filled friday. what a ninney.

[Quadhund/Greenhouse]

logandoug said:

and yea Quad is a lightweight ninney these days, he sat around ALL DAY when he was here after our one beer filled friday. what a ninney.

Ass ... and nice quote btw.

[racestark]

I know lots of guys who have had a sickening vodka binge, your's truly included. And to this day all of us will NOT touch the stuff. I wanted to vomit for a week whenever I saw or smelt orange juice after that.

Here's my 5.

I recently celebrated my 25th birthday this past December. Having a birthday a week before Christmas totally blows. Anyway, of all our friends, I was the very first to turn 21. No big deal except that night I had to buy the beer. I don't mean go get it, I mean I had to pay for it with MY BIRTHDAY MONEY. Same holds true for the smoke. So, since everyone else had a smashing 21st at a bar, unlike me, I complained for four years that I should be owed a 25th party like it was my 21st. Everyone agreed and we had a smashing party.

Only one problem.

I went down to Kentucky early in the day and bought a bottle of gin and a bottle of mezcal (the tequila-like drink that has the worm in it--which is actually a caterpillar). I was saving the gin for later and started in on the mezcal. I was DETERMINED to get to that worm before the party started. Things went well all day. First dozen of a couple of hundred guests (I had no idea I knew that many people) showed up. We smoked. Things are still well. Then, my dad shows up (which is great because my dad still almost acts like a teenager but it freaks out friends of our's that don't know him too well). He rolls a fattie and things are going just fine for about a minute.

Then up became white and north turned into green. I headed for the bathroom, and to my surprise, vomitted very little. I passed out next to the toilet while about 20 people were banging on the door telling me to let them in. I kept slurring back as best I could that I was taking a dump. It felt like 15 minutes to me. They tell me it was more like an hour and a half. I finally gathered my head together and held it there long enough to crawl to the spare room upstairs. "I'm just going to lay down for a few minutes," I told myself. I'm told it was about 11 in the evening at this point. Next thing I know, I wake up and it's noon the next day. Every ambient noise coming through the windows hurt like hell, my stomach turning like someone was making taffy in there and I had to sit on the toilet every 10 minutes it seemed.
I missed the whole party, which everyone says was the best one we've ever thrown. At least it was the thought that counted.
Oh, and to my credit, I did get to that worm the next day. It turns out I only had one shot to go before finishing the bottle. So close...

[marklar]

lol nice racestark.

lats time i drank vodka i drank this "blavodka" it's a vodka that starts black and changes colours (like green with OJ). i had a bad day one night, 3 drinks, 20 min and half a 26 later i was outside smoking some plant . then a black, then next thing i know i'm walking into a boston pizza saying to myself "don't puke don't puke, just get to the chair get some water and you'll be fine." then black, then i'm on my front steps, my friends dropped me off on my steps with my keys and nothing else about 10 min later my dad came outside because he heard a noise only to find me freezing my ass off. i've pushed my stomach to liking vodka again, not only that but i was mixing it with OJ and it too me over a year to be able to drink OJ again but hey now i can drink both! but now i drink dark rum lol.

[racestark]

My little brother had a phase where we all thought he'd turn out to be an alcoholic. Luckily, he grew out of it. One party we threw he totally overdid it. He threw up, and I kept a strict count, 13 times, including 4 dry heaves.

When he finally went down and puked the first time, he literally went down. He was up dancing and shouting and then all of a sudden, SPLAT! I was outside on the deck watching him as this happened and said to my friend's girlfriend, "Oww, that can't be good." A crowd of people gathered around him and dragged him outside as he left a trail of vomit along the way. HE WAS COMPLETELY OUT. My sister started sobbing, "Is he gonna be alright? Is he gonna be alright?" By this time, the whole party paused and gathered around him with the exception of me and my friend's g/f. Someone said, "Josh, your brother needs to go to the hospital." I just laughed and looked around the crowd at my brother and said, "Psshh. He'll be fine. Just roll him over on his stomach so he doesn't pull a Hendrix." My friend's g/f just started cracking up and I don't know why, but I did, too. Everyone else just looked at us like we were a couple of a$$holes.

I'll have to post our string of Jim Beam shot competitions sometime. I was the undisputed champion of those. Record--23 shots in 2 hours. Tied with my other brother except he threw up later. I should be dead by now.

[DM Grizwald]

this is gonna sound realy gross...but i passed out while taking a dump

That was probably my worst night...i dont remember much. If mark wants to fill you guys in sure go a head...but the next morning i felt kinda fine, except for my new assortment of stupid tatoos (people drawing on my face) and it honestly felt like i was on a ship...i could not stand right. It was the weirdest hang over ever. I did end up cooking myself a nice half raw burger though

[Laurk]

Wow. *blink blink* I once saw some drunk bastard puke on the gravatron at the fair. The puke hung suspendid in the air for several minutes until the ride finally began to slow, then the puke launched across and splattered some poor sap in the face. I almost puked laughing.

[marklar]

clarkgrizwald said:

this is gonna sound realy gross...but i passed out while taking a dump

That was probably my worst night...i dont remember much. If mark wants to fill you guys in sure go a head...but the next morning i felt kinda fine, except for my new assortment of stupid tatoos (people drawing on my face) and it honestly felt like i was on a ship...i could not stand right. It was the weirdest hang over ever. I did end up cooking myself a nice half raw burger though

LOL you looked like death next day

[moulinous]

My buddy Frankie has still never lived this down. We went to LA while i was in college to do some partying and drinking. It was Henry, Frankie, me, and my buddy Sean. Man, we drank so much at the first few bars that we got lost in a fast food parking lot...could not find the exit to drive out of the parking lot. Just kept going around for a good five mins or so. Finally, we made it out onto the road when this car pulled up next to us with four hella hottie chicks in it all yelling and hooting like we were a car full of Brad Pitts and crap like that. They yell for us to follow them to a club and we do. They get this awesome parking spot almost in front of the club where as we had to park in BFE (BumFuctEgypt). So, before going in we had a few more shots like good college boys should before trying to impress a group of hotties. By the time we made it to the door they had already gone inside. I was like damm, no way they are going to wait for us, but when we finally made it inside, we see them at a table yelling for us to come over. we sit with them and they start buying US drinks...man, hot chicks, free drinks...could not get any better. Frankie leaves to go dance, sean is strait picking up, i am making mine laugh, henry is doing all right,everything is going right. I go to the bathroom and end up...losing alot of what i drank which kinda helps me sober up. walking back to the table i start looking around and start to notice some things about this club...like all the chicks here are petty damm tall. and there is alot of dudes. alot of those dudes seem to be with other dudes...and holding hands...crap...we are at a gay bar! when i get back to the table, i notice that the hot chcik i am sitting with...well, i peered through my drunken haze and...just maybe, she is a he. I lean over and ask..ummm, you a dude?
"yes.arnt you guys gay?"
NO!
Oh...you sure?
YES!
Next thing you know there is the three of us sitting on one side, the she/hes on the other. We get up to leave and get half way to the door when i stop. Wasnt there four of us? We look out over the dance floor and there is Frankie dancing with his hands all over his "girls" butt and his tongue stuck down "her" throat. None of us said anything for a second till we suddenly see Frankie stop dancing and step back, his hand is under "her" skirt.
He uses his other hand to raise it up and even over the loud music, he starts yelling "OH MY GOD! SHE HAS A HUGE D*CK! OH MY GOD!" He comes running over to us still yelling and goes running out side with us following laughing so hard that we could barely walk...

[marklar]

that is an awesome gay bar story LOL

[Foomanchu]

moul....that has to be one of the funniest damn things i've read in a long long time AHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh man that's classic

[DM Grizwald]

i dont know what to say....i cant stop laughing