Fun with Puns

[grivel]

Come on now. You know you all hate them. Lets get it out of our system. I'll start.

When you teach a wolf to meditate, you get aware wolf.
I'm going to start collecting highlighters.....mark my words
Ghosts like to ride elevators because it lifts their spirits
The girl in the middle of the court is Annette
What do you call a hippie's wife?.....Mississippi
When you said life would get back to normal after June....Julyed
Lego store re-opens after lockdown....folks lined up for blocks
Cosmotology student misses class.....forced to make up makeup test
If you have to wear both mask and glasses, you may be entitled to condensation

[styxxbone1]

*Throws Shoe*...


styxx

[Deleted]

I’m calling the police.

[DM Hawk]

The royal executioner applied to be the next town sheriff. He was just looking to get ahead.

[malclave]

Did you hear about the paladin who opened a tavern in a dwarf town? He went broke because he wouldn't sell alcohol to miners.

[waxl]

-What do ya get from a pampered cow?.....Spoiled milk
-An angry sheep and a moody cow put me in a baaaaaaaaad moooood.
-An evil chicken would lay deviled eggs?
-The knight suffered from boils, he had to get them lanced

And I leave with an unoriginal dwarf joke I saw once and found amusing:

A dwarf was on a ship, and for entertainment, a low level wizard starts to do some magic tricks. First he makes a coin disappear. " It's up his sleeve, It's up his sleeve" the dwarf yells. Wizard simply ignores the dwarf and suddenly pulls a rabbit out of thin air. "It was in his robes the whole time, I saw it earlier, what a fake" the dwarf yells. The wizard a little angry announces " for my final act I will perform the greatest magic feat you have ever seen" with that the Wizard start to chant, and all of a sudden by mere chance the ship is struck by lighting and is destroyed.

The only two survivors are the Wizard and the dwarf floating on a wooden door. For two whole days the dwarf and the wizard simply stare at each other, when finally the dwarf says.

"OK, you win, what did you do with the boat"

[ShadowCatJen]

*groans* There needs to be a psychic damage warning in the subject line of this thread. It all hurts!

[grivel]

The dwarf pulled a muscle digging for gold. It was a miner injury.

[grivel]

Nothing tops a plain pizza

I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.

I'm reading a book called "Quick Money for Dummies" - by Robin Banks

Be careful when you eat at Sam & Ella's Diner

My son wants to study burrowing animals.....I told him to gopher it

Water is heavier than butane, because butane is a lighter fluid

[lucid]

In the name of science, we decided to evaluate both melanated cougars and regular cougars. Since the black coloration of the fur is a sign of inbreeding, we wanted to see if they had any other detriments or mutations of note. So we set up several races, using a dog track with the running rabbit so they'd chase it. It turns out the darker ones came in first place, ever single time. An unexpected result! But that's science for you. We summarized our conclusions thusly:

The dun is the slowest form of puma.

[lucid]

My sister and me went picking blueberries. Much to our chagrin, the bushes were infested with chiggers. They climbed up our legs and bit us repeatedly! But I had a tight waistband, and my shirt tucked in. My sister was wearing looser clothing. So they managed to get onto her belly and bite her all over! Big red welts all over her stomach, yeesh. Now the ones on my legs are pretty bad, but that's just the worst. Compelled to scratch, scratch, scratch, yuck. And it made me realize...for all the bites on my legs were driving me crazy...

I got 99 problems but ab itch ain't one.

[Southpaw]

The company hired wanted to teach employees self reliance, so they put Helen Hunt in charge of supplies. That way whenever someone needed something, they could go to Helen Hunt for it.