Post by styxxbone1 on Jan 12, 2021 15:20:59 GMT -5
*A story recounted in Bathwater Berg by Furin Mound, Ace of Beards Esquire.*
On a rather unusual day in Bathwater Berg I hear this whistling sound growing closer. Then... *THUMP*... An angry Moonish elf lad had landed in the Jack-o-lant Mellon patch beside the Inn.
He was rather upset and paced about trying to talk to the other elfish buggers who all turned their noses up and either ignored him or wandered off. He began to talk to me, Furin. "I'm (some silly unpronounceable elfish name)..." So I looks at him and says. "I shall call ye Elfinar!" Witch caused a string of foul elfish curses to spew forth.
He was rather agitated because he fell from his brittle hollow moon and had to glide to the surface like a flying racoon, using his pissin wizzers robes and crash landing in the Lack-o-lant Mellon patch. The tale he recounted is a strange one.
Elfinar's mother ordered him to take out the pellet bins and dump them in the hatch that empties into the hollow moon. After dumping the pellets into the open hatch he found the door would not close.
The Moon was Full after untold millennium's of pellet dumping. The door was stuck open. Well Elfinar, being a clever elfish bugger starts to jump on the hatch trying to force it closed. There was a thunderous cracking sound as the bottom of the brittle hollow moon split open. Elfinar was still jumping on the pellet hatch as it fell out the bottom of the hollow moon.
Sensing the danger Elfinar's survival instincts kicked in and he used his silly pissin wizzers robes to glide like a flying racoon. Looking back he seen the bits of broken moon and thousands of years of tinder dry elf pellets fall onto a Hin-billy village near the Cyclops Hills south of the Roar.
As Elfinar circled over head he seen what went on below. The Village leader, Uncle Grampy had rallied the Hin Billy forces. Moonlight reflecting off the tin pot he wore as a helmet.
"In less than an hour brother-cousins from here will join others from around the gully and you will be launching the largest anti aerial battle in the history of Hin-Billy kind.
Hin-Billy kind, that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the 4th of Juneteenth and you will once again be fighting for our freedom not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution but from annihilation.
We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist, and should we win today the 4th of Juneteenth will no longer be known as an Uncle Grampy's drinking holiday, but is the day when the colony declared in one voice. We will not go quietly into the night. We will not vanish under a pile of elf pellets without a fight. We’re going to live on. We’re going to survive. Today we celebrate our Independence from Moon Elfish Pellets Day!”
So the Hin-Billy's gathered their wizz poppers and their troll bangers and fired them skywards at the broken hollow moon. Not understanding the physics of moonitary science or the par-ma-bolic arcs of flaming arrows, naturally these fell back down igniting the millenia old and tinder dry elf pellets.
A terrible firestorm quickly engulfed the Hin-Billy Village. The screams of burning hins was terrible to hear, many roasted alive still buried in their Hin Holes. The tiniest Hin-Billy, Lindy Lou Cotton Belly ran towards Uncle Grampy who waved her off. Yelling, "RUN LINDY LOU... RUUNN..."
She ran and ran only looking back once to see Uncle Grampy consumed by the elf pellet fire storm. The Tin pot melting to his flaming skull. His fearsome red eyes now burning embers... She ran and ran into the Cyclopse hills alone except for her stuffed toy Sprocket Raccoon.
Eventually she came upon a small cottage made of sugary candy. She propped Sprocket Raccoon up against a tree and told him to watch the trail behind for those mean old Cyclopes. While she went to investigate what turned out to be the house of the Villainous Dwarken Witch Sugar Meemaw..."
Well after observing all of the flaming horror he caused Elfinar, he made a crash landing in Bathwater Berg's Jack-o-lant Mellon patch. He was terribly upset and when the other elf's refused to play with him he tried to pick a fight with me, Fuirn. Being the giant philanthropist I am, I took pity on poor Elfinar and took him to the Shield Meet where he could run, sniff butts, chase butterfly's and play with the other elfish buggers.
He was never seen again so they either ate him in some bizarre and villainous elfish witches sacrifice, or he ran away riddled with guilt to hide up in some tree.
Aftermath...
Where oh where is Elfinar?
Will Lindy Lou ever be rescued from the evil Dwarken Witch Sugar Meemaw before she is baked into a pie?
The Surgeon General of the War Wizzers marked the cause of death for the Hin Billy Village as "complications of elfish Cormyr-o-virus".
Will Sprocket Raccoon ever see his Lindy Lou return for him?
Will the vile pixie's ever stop stealing the shinny buttons off of his uniform? Or making diapers out of patches of his cape?...
Stay tuned for the further adventures of Elfinar, the Stranger who fell to Bathwater Berg from a hollow brittle moon!
// Uncle Grampy's Speech shamelessly stolen from Independence Day...
styxx
On a rather unusual day in Bathwater Berg I hear this whistling sound growing closer. Then... *THUMP*... An angry Moonish elf lad had landed in the Jack-o-lant Mellon patch beside the Inn.
He was rather upset and paced about trying to talk to the other elfish buggers who all turned their noses up and either ignored him or wandered off. He began to talk to me, Furin. "I'm (some silly unpronounceable elfish name)..." So I looks at him and says. "I shall call ye Elfinar!" Witch caused a string of foul elfish curses to spew forth.
He was rather agitated because he fell from his brittle hollow moon and had to glide to the surface like a flying racoon, using his pissin wizzers robes and crash landing in the Lack-o-lant Mellon patch. The tale he recounted is a strange one.
Elfinar's mother ordered him to take out the pellet bins and dump them in the hatch that empties into the hollow moon. After dumping the pellets into the open hatch he found the door would not close.
The Moon was Full after untold millennium's of pellet dumping. The door was stuck open. Well Elfinar, being a clever elfish bugger starts to jump on the hatch trying to force it closed. There was a thunderous cracking sound as the bottom of the brittle hollow moon split open. Elfinar was still jumping on the pellet hatch as it fell out the bottom of the hollow moon.
Sensing the danger Elfinar's survival instincts kicked in and he used his silly pissin wizzers robes to glide like a flying racoon. Looking back he seen the bits of broken moon and thousands of years of tinder dry elf pellets fall onto a Hin-billy village near the Cyclops Hills south of the Roar.
As Elfinar circled over head he seen what went on below. The Village leader, Uncle Grampy had rallied the Hin Billy forces. Moonlight reflecting off the tin pot he wore as a helmet.
"In less than an hour brother-cousins from here will join others from around the gully and you will be launching the largest anti aerial battle in the history of Hin-Billy kind.
Hin-Billy kind, that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the 4th of Juneteenth and you will once again be fighting for our freedom not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution but from annihilation.
We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist, and should we win today the 4th of Juneteenth will no longer be known as an Uncle Grampy's drinking holiday, but is the day when the colony declared in one voice. We will not go quietly into the night. We will not vanish under a pile of elf pellets without a fight. We’re going to live on. We’re going to survive. Today we celebrate our Independence from Moon Elfish Pellets Day!”
So the Hin-Billy's gathered their wizz poppers and their troll bangers and fired them skywards at the broken hollow moon. Not understanding the physics of moonitary science or the par-ma-bolic arcs of flaming arrows, naturally these fell back down igniting the millenia old and tinder dry elf pellets.
A terrible firestorm quickly engulfed the Hin-Billy Village. The screams of burning hins was terrible to hear, many roasted alive still buried in their Hin Holes. The tiniest Hin-Billy, Lindy Lou Cotton Belly ran towards Uncle Grampy who waved her off. Yelling, "RUN LINDY LOU... RUUNN..."
She ran and ran only looking back once to see Uncle Grampy consumed by the elf pellet fire storm. The Tin pot melting to his flaming skull. His fearsome red eyes now burning embers... She ran and ran into the Cyclopse hills alone except for her stuffed toy Sprocket Raccoon.
Eventually she came upon a small cottage made of sugary candy. She propped Sprocket Raccoon up against a tree and told him to watch the trail behind for those mean old Cyclopes. While she went to investigate what turned out to be the house of the Villainous Dwarken Witch Sugar Meemaw..."
Well after observing all of the flaming horror he caused Elfinar, he made a crash landing in Bathwater Berg's Jack-o-lant Mellon patch. He was terribly upset and when the other elf's refused to play with him he tried to pick a fight with me, Fuirn. Being the giant philanthropist I am, I took pity on poor Elfinar and took him to the Shield Meet where he could run, sniff butts, chase butterfly's and play with the other elfish buggers.
He was never seen again so they either ate him in some bizarre and villainous elfish witches sacrifice, or he ran away riddled with guilt to hide up in some tree.
Aftermath...
Where oh where is Elfinar?
Will Lindy Lou ever be rescued from the evil Dwarken Witch Sugar Meemaw before she is baked into a pie?
The Surgeon General of the War Wizzers marked the cause of death for the Hin Billy Village as "complications of elfish Cormyr-o-virus".
Will Sprocket Raccoon ever see his Lindy Lou return for him?
Will the vile pixie's ever stop stealing the shinny buttons off of his uniform? Or making diapers out of patches of his cape?...
Stay tuned for the further adventures of Elfinar, the Stranger who fell to Bathwater Berg from a hollow brittle moon!
// Uncle Grampy's Speech shamelessly stolen from Independence Day...
styxx
