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Post by mandene on Sept 30, 2015 3:20:31 GMT -5
So we recently got new system of privilages at my company. This comes through another company that connects and mediates these. Each of us has now a login to that company's site with loads of info. And yesterday at lunch we talked about it. Someone saw that we have lowered prices at a lot of stores. And this is when this conversation happens: Guy A: I saw up to 90% discout at one store. Someone: What store? Guy A starts scrolling on his phone (the site comes with mobile apps): I don't remember. I only saw it in passing. Guy B: I hope it's for gold. Someone: Why gold? Guy B: If it's gold, I'm going to take all my savings and buy it. Me: What are you going to do with it? Sell it for profit? Guy B: What? No. I'm going to make this huuuuge gold watch, and then plate all my teeth in gold. At this time everyone stops eating and just stares at Guy B. He is showing with his hands how big that watch is going to be and poiting at his teeth. Me: And with the rest you should also make a thick chain with a giant dollar sign on it to wear it around your neck. Guy B Looks at me incredulously: No! That would be so tasteless! ---- ---- And yes, Guy B was meaning it as a joke
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Post by mandene on Sept 30, 2015 6:58:34 GMT -5
"By the age of 1 year, my daughter's intelligence surpassed that of our cat."
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Post by Grimnir Gurnison on Sept 30, 2015 7:14:15 GMT -5
Back in the day when I was teaching in another state I overheard a kindergarten boy shout, "Release the KRAKEN!" as he did his business in the classroom bathroom.
Side note: It was difficult not to laugh as I taught the class.
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Post by mandene on Oct 6, 2015 3:46:45 GMT -5
The first day at work, when I was only an intern, my mentor showed me a paperclip and told me that this is the most important engineering tool. He is one of those crazy guys, so I just rolled my eyes at him (I remembered him from Uni). Soon after, the paperclip became one of my greatest friends. From resetting 800xa controllers, to other more imaginary things: (800xa Controller with IO and communication modules) The latest, greatest useage I've seen was testing if "sound out" on a prototype was working, when you don't have a proper cable for it. Remember the paper clip guys!
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Post by mandene on Oct 6, 2015 7:45:14 GMT -5
During an impromptu coffee break, a guy picks up one of free bike saddle covers with an add on that lie around our break area, and puts it on his head. After some surprised snickering from others the guy says:
"This is our new Programmer's Hat, that starting now everyone has to wear at work." "What? Why is that?" "Our IT support guy has complained that he finds too many curly hair in the keyboards". "hahahahahahahaha ... ..... ... wait... what? ... .... ewwwwwwww"
The room quickly empties.
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Fint
New Member
Posts: 61
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Post by Fint on Oct 6, 2015 13:45:02 GMT -5
The first day at work, when I was only an intern, my mentor showed me a paperclip and told me that this is the most important engineering tool. He is one of those crazy guys, so I just rolled my eyes at him (I remembered him from Uni). Soon after, the paperclip became one of my greatest friends. From resetting 800xa controllers, to other more imaginary things: (800xa Controller with IO and communication modules) The latest, greatest useage I've seen was testing if "sound out" on a prototype was working, when you don't have a proper cable for it. Remember the paper clip guys! Yup linkGreets Fint
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Post by styxxbone1 on Oct 6, 2015 19:58:54 GMT -5
I use Gecko Servo Controller's on my 4 Axis CNC Milling Machine. They are connected to a Breakout Board then a Smooth Stepper board, then to my computer Via a USB connection. I built the entire system and retrofitted it onto my Milling Machine. Will soon be starting my Iron Patriot build... LOL...
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Post by mandene on Oct 7, 2015 10:56:09 GMT -5
Here's a few from today only!
During the forenoon coffee break, a junior embedded systems guy rounds me up and asks me to help him with a bad bug he has had since yesterday. I pull my office chair to his desk and we watch the issue. He has an I/O device measuring voltage on 14 channels, connected to his laptop through USB. He has a small test application communicating with that device through a driver that came with that device. If he is debuggint one line of code at a time, everyhing works just fine, but if he just runs the test, the laptop hangs. He has to reset the laptop each time (for some reason he can't kill the process), and grumbles that at least he has SSD, so he doesn't have to wait 5 minutes on each reset. He resets the laptop, logs in, and starts everything again, including a little application he needs that is called Ananas64. By the time he is quite grumpy, and grumbles while I watch "So weird. Ananas64? Why specifically ananas? Why not banana7, or peach29?" His tone sounds like one of the best stand-up comedies, so I can't help but laugh. I was already snickering at his miserable grumpy tone. "Seriously. Stop laughing. This isn't that funny." Which of course made me laugh more.
Lunch. We had this project some time ago, that while not a disaster, was a very difficult one. We made a lot of mistakes in it - on all sides of it. Instead of a usual "retrospective"/lessons learnt thing, we decided to truly make it to a learning experience. So we started a study circle (the seller, buyer, client, graphical designers, project manager, a boss, developers, you name it are part of the circle) , we read a book and a few articles, and discuss this during lunch meetings every or every other week. Unfortunatelly, the conference room we booked for our meeting today, was taken over by a meeting a visiting client. All other free conference rooms were too small. We decided to have the meeting in the lunch/break room. We took a table that nobody, for unexplained reasons, ever uses. This by itself created a lot of interest and comments ("why are you all siting here?" "we were supposed to have a meeting yada yada"). Of course, this resulted in no meeting, espacially since others started to join us at the table. We made a joke out of it, pretending we are the snerky "cool kids" at high school, siting at our "cool table". So when one guy sat down with us I told him to go away. He looked at me and said seriously "According to the law I have the right to sit and eat lunch here in peace." (he used to be our workplace environment responsible). "Tell me what part of the Bible this is in?", said one of younger guys.
Afternoon Coffee, directed at me: "You're too happy at work. Work should be serious. We should start 'Humor Communism', and drag everyone down to the level ot the least happy person, like me. Happiness for All, and in reality Unhappiness for All" "We should create a laughter-box, like smoke-box for for those who laugh." We talked of the "Humor Communism" office, or the actual laughter box. It's supposed to be not painted in no color at all - just concrete grey. It should have no windows, and the only light should be just one fluorescent lamp. The lamp is broken and turns on and off infrequently with this horrible shwong sound. There's also supposed to be a leeking tap.
"One of my family members just died in cancer..." "Awww.. that's so sad" "... and.... Well, yeah, we knew that will happen. But. On the invitation to the funeral it says: 'Dress Code: Optional'. I LOVE it. So many possibilities." "you can wear a HUGE sombrero." "Crocs and Speedos" "Shower cap and a bathrobe" "Viking warrior outfit" "Bubble Wrap Suit" "Yes! I only wish the invitation said instead: 'Dress: Optional'". I crack up, and the guy from before - "Time to go to the laughter-box!".
"What do you call a 1-bit counter?" "Flip-Flop" "Flag" "Semaphore" "Bool" "Wait, why are you calling it a counter? What does it even count? How high can a 1-bit counter count?" "Approximatelly to 1"
"What do Finns drink while they are in the sauna?" "Vodka! Everyone knows they drink vodka like Russians, and not beer." "Yeah, but they do have beer. Horrible beer, but still have beer." "They can't be drinking vodka while inside the sauna. So much heat and too high levels of alcohol. They'll die of dehydration before they even get out to roll in the snow" "I'm telling you, they can't be drinking beer." "No, you're wrong. They don't drink vodka inside the sauna, because alcohol evaporates when it's hot, so it's wate of alcohol." "Yeah, so they suck it in inside the shower." It's when I wake up. "Wait.. what? Suck it inside the shower? WTF?" "No.. No no no no no. Nothing like that!" - quick and energeting gesticulation - "The Finns drink vodka in the shower, before going inside the sauna." "Yes. But then, what do they drink when they are inside the sauna?"
"When I drink I often get ideas, that I stick to. And they aren't necessarily very good ideas. For example, I was at this <insert local big outdoor event>, and almost got arrested for drunken disorderly behavior. I saw that riding cop, and though to myself 'heck, if we have to pick up after our dogs, when they do their business, do they have to pick up after the horses?'. I went to the cop and asked him. At first he looked surprised and laughed at me. But I followed after him asking him the same question. First 4 times he just ignored me, but then he thretened me that one more time, he'll arrest me. That wasn't the greatest idea." "Laughter box!"
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Post by mandene on Oct 12, 2015 6:37:05 GMT -5
No new stuff, since my co-workers are insane (they blame some of it on me, though), that my head exploaded on Thursday.
However, today one of the company's boss's heads exploaded. He hurried out of the room mumbling under his nose "You ppl are *bleeping* insane." This was during a discussion which country in Europe is most hated and why.
Also, to all of you programming nerds out there:
Q: "How do you make block of code loop 3 times?" A:
While(3)
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Post by Grimnir Gurnison on Oct 13, 2015 6:40:50 GMT -5
I'll add something here then Mandene if you don't mind.
Yesterday I was teaching fifth grade and as I'm getting the class inside from their afternoon recess I can tell a few girls are all worked up from the way they're clumped together. One comes up to me and instinctively I put my mental shields up expecting a talk about feelings and how so and so made fun of them. If only that were true as she then proceeds to tell me of a classmate from another room was talking about how he's going to shoot a bunch of them in the forehead. I tell them we need to go to the office and one of the girls tells me they've already told someone. Sure enough the intercom crackles to life asking for students from my room. I've been in education for 15 years and yesterday I felt the Danny Glover coming on where at the end of the day I leave the room and say, "I'm too old for this S#!t!"
Some might think this is going overboard and that they're just being kids joking about and while I hope that is what happened, a joke too far, I'd rather not be the person that didn't react to a possible threat only to have something go down.
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Post by mandene on Oct 13, 2015 9:41:40 GMT -5
I'll add something here then Mandene if you don't mind. Yesterday I was teaching fifth grade and as I'm getting the class inside from their afternoon recess I can tell a few girls are all worked up from the way they're clumped together. One comes up to me and instinctively I put my mental shields up expecting a talk about feelings and how so and so made fun of them. If only that were true as she then proceeds to tell me of a classmate from another room was talking about how he's going to shoot a bunch of them in the forehead. I tell them we need to go to the office and one of the girls tells me they've already told someone. Sure enough the intercom crackles to life asking for students from my room. I've been in education for 15 years and yesterday I felt the Danny Glover coming on where at the end of the day I leave the room and say, "I'm too old for this S#!t!" Some might think this is going overboard and that they're just being kids joking about and while I hope that is what happened, a joke too far, I'd rather not be the person that didn't react to a possible threat only to have something go down. Of course I don't mind. It's not a "private" thread. And OMG what a situation to find yourself in. I hope it's a joke, and that if it is a joke, that the kid doesn't get into too much trouble, but will undertand that you just don't joke about things lilke that >.>
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Post by mandene on Oct 19, 2015 10:22:32 GMT -5
Guy A (something of a besserwisser): "But shark's don't see people as food." Guy B: "But selfies do." The reason behind this, as explained to me directly after is that someone saw statatistical data that more death's are caused by selfies than by sharks. As in - people are trying to take a good picture and fall of stuff, drown, and so on.
Guy C sends me an e-mail with a title "Your bullying victim". And the text inside says "You've totally broken him! He's currently livig in a 50-shades-of-grey-life, but as the slave " this was few minutes after I told a story how I, when I was around 10, have beaten up a guy who was picking on me. He pulled my hair, stole my books and run to the boy's room with them... stuff like that. The boy never bothered me again
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Post by mandene on Oct 21, 2015 9:04:34 GMT -5
"At the end of the 90s, I was working at this-and-that company. The biggest hottest nerdy trend back then was being able to print images on a cake. One day when important clients were visiting, our boss ordered several cakes with the company logo. The cakes arrived, the client representatives arrived. Everyone at the office was invited to eat the cake. The boss opens the first box, and turns red, fuming.
People peek into the box - the text on the cake says 'View Attachment'."
Apparently, the boss ordered the cake through e-mail (which was also new at the time), where he wrote:
Text on the cake: View Attachment.
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Post by mandene on Oct 21, 2015 17:12:13 GMT -5
I just remembered a few more from today.
In the afternoon, a guy rounds up as many as he can, making a lot of roucous to get people notice him. Then shouts it's snack time. I follow to the break/lunch room and look around. Seeing no additional snack than standard fruit that the company provides I complain about evident lack of promised snack. "There you go," someone helpfully stretches a banana towards me and I frown scornfully at it. Some other guy mensions that it's not a proper fruit to give to a woman. "What's a proper fruit for a woman?" I ask curiously, waiting for a perfect foot-in-the-mouth moment that I can milk for a while. (And no, I'm not the only woman at the office). "eeeh" I can see the guys look between each other, untill finally someone shouts "Melons!"
There's a project where I'm Lead Engineer on, where we maintain old code. The worst part is the interface that we have to implement, that has the worst possible nondescriptive function and variable names. A guy working on the project asks me.
"If I changed all the variable names into animal names, would it make the source code better or worse?"
Modern parental method:
"Just tell your daughter, unless you're home at 11 pm, I'm going to publish some of your embarrasing childhood pictures on Facebook and Instagram."
"At my previous (train-building) company, after several years of safety cerficiations, we learned how the consultants from the certification company functioned. Sometimes, when they were too busy, they made the same complaints as the last year, although we had already fixed them, and didn't repeat them that year." "WTF?!!" "OMFG!!" "We also noticed that they always found something to complain about, even if it only were small things, it was usually around five things. We guessed they needed the job, and a reason to have to come back and bill us again. Right?" "WTF?!!" "OMFG!!" "So, we figured out a way to never have to do big, time-consuming, complicated fixes. We would on purpose leave several simple, basic, easy to find errors. Like for example omitting in a test report the version of the tested hardware. That's easy to fix." "WTF?!!" "OMFG!!" "Remember that the next time you go by train."
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Post by Grimnir Gurnison on Oct 21, 2015 18:01:31 GMT -5
Last week I had a kindergarten student look up at me and ask, "Are you a giant?". I'm 6'5".
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docofmadness
Proven Member
a dwarf a elf and a ork walk into a bar........... wait that makes no sense
Posts: 162
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Post by docofmadness on Oct 21, 2015 18:42:12 GMT -5
Last week I had a kindergarten student look up at me and ask, "Are you a giant?". I'm 6'5". what kind of dwarf are you sir
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Post by Grimnir Gurnison on Oct 21, 2015 19:58:40 GMT -5
Haha I'm a giant dwarf!
I also had a third grade student last week tell me "I think you're a great teacher! Don't take this the wrong way, but you're so big and scary looking that you terrify me.". She is one of my best students of the year so far behavior wise. Now I know why.
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Post by styxxbone1 on Oct 21, 2015 21:22:25 GMT -5
Strange, i'm 5'17". And also a Giant dwarf!
styxx
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Post by Fluffy the Mad on Oct 21, 2015 23:48:23 GMT -5
Haha I'm a giant dwarf! I also had a third grade student last week tell me "I think you're a great teacher! Don't take this the wrong way, but you're so big and scary looking that you terrify me.". She is one of my best students of the year so far behavior wise. Now I know why. *Miniature giant space dwarf.
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Post by Munroe on Oct 22, 2015 5:31:12 GMT -5
Strange, i'm 5'17". And also a Giant dwarf! styxx So you're also 6'5"? I feel very short.
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Post by Grimnir Gurnison on Oct 22, 2015 7:13:23 GMT -5
Haha I'm a giant dwarf! I also had a third grade student last week tell me "I think you're a great teacher! Don't take this the wrong way, but you're so big and scary looking that you terrify me.". She is one of my best students of the year so far behavior wise. Now I know why. *Miniature giant space dwarf. I now need to find me an awesome hamster to match this picture. If only I could have it on my teaching badge! I forgot all about Minsc.
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Post by mandene on Oct 28, 2015 9:05:46 GMT -5
Guy A: "So, where is This-and-that-guy? I haven't seen him for few days." Guy B: "He's taken a vacation and went to Cyprus". Guy C: "Wait a minute, isn't it where This-and-that-girl went, too?" everyone: "aaaaaaaaah".
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2015 16:08:24 GMT -5
Guy A: "So, where is This-and-that-guy? I haven't seen him for few days." Guy B: "He's taken a vacation and went to Cyprus". Guy C: "Wait a minute, isn't it where This-and-that-girl went, too?" everyone: "aaaaaaaaah". I one-up this... Girl on the phone: " So I went to this party on the weekend and I met this really hot guy... Yea we slept with one another though I think he had some kinda rash..."My thoughts: " Wtf am I hearing..." *keeps walking...*
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Post by mandene on Oct 28, 2015 16:17:40 GMT -5
Guy A: "So, where is This-and-that-guy? I haven't seen him for few days." Guy B: "He's taken a vacation and went to Cyprus". Guy C: "Wait a minute, isn't it where This-and-that-girl went, too?" everyone: "aaaaaaaaah". I one-up this... Girl on the phone: " So I went to this party on the weekend and I met this really hot guy... Yea we slept with one another though I think he had some kinda rash..."My thoughts: " Wtf am I hearing..." *keeps walking...* Sometimes it's better not to know...
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2015 16:30:06 GMT -5
I one-up this... Girl on the phone: " So I went to this party on the weekend and I met this really hot guy... Yea we slept with one another though I think he had some kinda rash..."My thoughts: " Wtf am I hearing..." *keeps walking...* Sometimes it's better not to know... The fact that this happened in broad daylight, outside a cafe while she was on the phone... I don't understand some people's mentality sometimes.
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Post by Grimnir Gurnison on Oct 28, 2015 17:19:18 GMT -5
Maybe she was trying to ward off a guy from trying to hit on her?
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Post by mandene on Dec 8, 2015 19:45:02 GMT -5
Long overdue stuff I remember:
"So I asked my 6-year-old what he wants for Christmass, and he answered - 'Daddy, I want a remote controlled car, on Mars.'"
Next: Overheard at the wrong moment - stuff taken out of context: "The Butt is the best reciever" The story behind: a guy lost his balance. Being very lucky he fell into his office chair - butt first. Someone commented "at least you fell on your butt".
Out of context: Guy A craddles a plastic figurine in his hands, smiling at it. Me: "Do you know what it is?" Guy A: "It's my friend". The story behind: He was at the Swedish Comicon. A friend cosplayed as Fallout 4 protagonist. And the guys printed an "action figure" of him on our 3d-printer at work. More to come...
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Post by Grimnir Gurnison on Dec 8, 2015 20:54:35 GMT -5
I read my students a problem today about Puzzled Penguin. These are kindergartners mind you.
Puzzled Penguin isn't sure if he made a mistake. Can you help him. In the boxes below cross out any mistakes you see if the the numbers aren't in order. It reads: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 6, 8, 9, 10. What mistakes did Puzzled Penguin meet.
One of my girls says, "Mr. D. Puzzled Penguin is such a boy!". Gave me an inside chuckle for the day.
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Post by mandene on Dec 9, 2015 6:57:40 GMT -5
After a long lunch discussion about anything and everything:
Guy A: "But the problem wiht mobile phones is that air only has so much capacity." Guy B: "Then we need more air."
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Post by mandene on Dec 9, 2015 7:04:34 GMT -5
The Fallout figurine:
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